Each Man's Life
by Ruthie
Summary: Set before COTG, Charles Kawalsky's life in full, detailing everything from his turbulent relationship with his sister-in-law and the strange dreams he has about a woman in white...
1. Default Chapter

Title: Each Man's Life Part 1: A Hopeless Journey

Rating: R

Spoilers: Stargate Movie, Children of the Gods, The Enemy Within

Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, Paradise Lost, Fanfiction.net, SJD yes

Details: The story of Charles Kawalsky's life, beginning before 101 Children of the Gods. 

Response to Heliopolis Challenge #654   
It's simple, I want a Kawalsky story, or at least with him in it and that he doesn't die, if ya get him involved with someone EVEN better:). And please NO humour. E-mail me, please, if yer gonna write it.

Response to Heliopolis challenge #1,360

Story with a Bible quote in the beginning. And let it make some sense after reading the story.

Summary: Charles Kawalsky feels hopeless - outshined by his brother Nathaniel and his beautiful fiancée Elena, stuck in a job that his parents resent and plagued by strange dreams. Who is the woman in white who appears to him, and will he learn to appreciate the full value of his life when faced with a test of his strength no one else could possibly understand? Response to Heliopolis challenges #654 and #1,360.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

~ Each Man's Life Part 1: A Hopeless Journey ~

Copyright © 2003 Ruth

**********

'Show me, O Lord, my life's end

and the number of my days;

let me know how fleeting is my life.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth

The span of my years is nothing before you

Each man's life is but a breath.'

Psalm 39:4-6

**********

Dear Diary, 

Why am I writing this? I can't believe I'm writing in a diary - I'm such a girl! Better not let Jack know - he'll haul my ass off to McKenzie to have me studied. Still, I haven't seen the guy in years. Not since we first went to Abydos with Doctor Jackson, and ended up leaving him there. 

Lucky man ended up with one of the chicks there - Shau'ri, I think her name was. All I remember is turning back to see him standing there, smiling. He's probably happier there than he ever would be on Earth. 

In some ways I envy him. He's got a wife now, hell, he could even have kids. He loves what he's done with his life - and who wouldn't? But what have I done with mine?

My name is Charles Kawalsky, I'm a Major in the United States Air Force. I'm 30 years old (not really, but if you think I'm writing the real figure in here you've got another thing coming!) single and prone to getting drunk. Very often. 

I've never been very good with the fairer sex. The more I try, the more I seem to drive them away. It's not just the lack of female company that gets me down, though. I'm a failure in almost every other respect. 

C.K.

**********

As Kawalsky sat down in his chair, he looked around the room. It was sparsely furnished, with only a few essentials and photographs. 

The first was of he, Jack O'Neill and a couple of the men he'd served with before the Abydos mission. Before the Stargate had been shut down, never to be used again. In a way he was sad about it - the Stargate was a beautiful, wonderful but yet so deadly creation, and it was like a drug. 

The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to go through it again. To see what wonders laid beyond its silvery-grey ring, the smooth reflection of liquid across its surface. 

He snorted a little as he realised that it was one of the only things he'd ever had a great love for. He'd only been through it once, but the memory was still fresh in his mind. 

The adrenaline rushing through his body before he stepped through, the wonderful feeling of both excitement and nausea when he exited, and the strange feeling in between. 

He found it hard to describe. Closing his eyes, he imagined that he'd stepped through it again. 

Dark. Muscles stretching. Air, rushing past me. Hard to breathe. Cold.

He opened his eyes, knocked from his thoughts when the phone rang. 

"Hello?"

"Charles, it's me."

He shuddered at the use of his full name. There was only one person that still called him Charles - and that was his mother. 

"Hey, mom."

"Listen, love, I can't call for long, but we'd like to see you for dinner tomorrow."

"We? I thought dad was…"

"Me and your brother, Charles. We would like you to come - it's been so long since we've all been together."

"But what about dad? Are you inviting him?"

"Charles, please don't make this about your father! Dinner is at 7:30, so be here at 7:00!"

The phone was slammed down on the other end of the line, so a vicious beeping noise assaulted his eardrums. With a sigh, he replaced the receiver and looked back at the photographs around the room. 

**********

Dear Diary, 

Mom called me last night. She wants me to go back home for dinner - with her and Nathan. She's not inviting my dad though, strange as she's always going on about us doing more as a family. 

My mom and dad split up five years ago, when I was…well…five years younger and my brother Nathan was twenty-one. Nice present for him. They'd been married for so many years, Nate and I never even realised that there was trouble between them. 

Well, I never realised because I was hardly ever there. Much to their distress, I joined the armed forces when I was 18, so I spent very little time at home. Ever since I did that, my relationship with my parents grew very strained. 

Don't get me wrong, Nathan is my brother and I love him, but he's the golden boy with my parents. He was the good boy - never said a bad word, glowing school reports, went off to university and became a doctor with honours. They both loved him. Then there was me, Charles Kawalsky. Bad school reports, except for PE and Maths, the only things that were of any interest to me. Often told off for picking fights with the other boys, left school at 16 and got a job. Then, when I was 18 I joined the armed forces. 

I don't know why they pretended to be upset - I knew full well that they wanted shot of me, and I of them. 

That's why I don't understand why my mom wants to see me. She's spent enough of my life avoiding and ignoring me, so why start being nice now?

I'll have to go, of course, or that'll be another mark against my name. I'll probably have to have a drink afterwards, though, to settle my head.

C.K.

**********

Kawalsky knocked on the door of his mom's house and waited for a few seconds. 

"Charles, hello!" she smiled, and embraced him in a warm hug. 

"Hey, mom," he replied, uncomfortably crushed against her. 

"Come on through, darling, Nathan is already here."

He went through the door that his mother held open for him and saw his brother for the first time in years. 

Nathaniel James Kawalsky had grown a lot taller, his black hair gelled back and his green eyes sparkling. 

"Charlie, mate! So good to see you!" he smiled, standing up and embracing him in a huge bear hug that he really wasn't used to. 

"Good to see you too, Nate. How's life been treating you?"

"Brilliant, now you come to mention it! Honestly, I've had such a wonderful time…"

Nathan then launched into a huge speech about how brilliant his life had been, all of the honours he'd received, how wonderful it was to be well-educated and the rest, whilst Charlie tried to stop his eyes from glazing over. 

His mother sat there the whole time, smiling and laughing, gazing at her younger son lovingly. Charlie felt a pang of sadness - he couldn't remember the last time she'd looked at him like that. 

Nathan finished his speech and laughed the same irritating laugh that he'd had for all of his life. It was then that Charlie heard another set of footsteps coming down the stairs. 

Nathan's eyes lit up. "Charlie, mate, I want you to meet my fiancée - Elena."

Charlie looked up as a very attractive woman walked through the door. She had long brown hair that fell in luxurious curls to her shoulders, and deep brown eyes. She was as thin as a rake, yet her fingers were short and stubby, he couldn't help noticing. He smiled and went over to her. 

"It's nice to meet you," he smiled, offering her his hand. 

"Yes," she smiled back, ignoring his offer of a handshake, walking straight past him and into the arms of her husband. 

He bit his lip, trying to channel his anger and hurt somewhere else, but failed miserably. He now remembered why he hated coming here. 

He turned around to see Nathan and Elena in a fierce embrace, kissing each other very deeply. He quickly turned back round again, fighting his very strong urge to wolf-whistle and make a rude comment about swallowing her. 

Luckily, his mom announced that dinner was ready, so he took his seat at the table as Nathan and Elena did the same. 

"So, Charlie, mate - how's the air force treating you?"

"It's good," he replied, knowing that soon, one of them was going to make a comment about murdering people for a living. It always came up, every time, and he felt certain that it would come from Elena. 

"I find it hard to believe that you could enjoy killing people for a living," she replied, twisting her stubby but highly manicured fingers around a wineglass and putting it to her lips. 

"I don't kill people for a living."

"Of course not, Charlie, mate!" Nathan smiled, giving Elena a peck on the cheek and changing the subject. "Found any decent looking birds? There must be a bit of a shortage of 'em in the armed forces!"

He turned to Elena and laughed irritatingly, and she did the same. 

Charlie smiled, with a large degree of difficulty, and just thought about the liquor he was going to treat himself to once this ordeal was over. 

"Actually, there's a growing number of women joining the armed forces - they're a valuable asset."

"I bet they are, Charlie mate!" Nathan laughed, waggling his eyebrows. 

Charlie sighed and took a drink out of his wineglass, accidentally slurping the liquid. 

Elena looked at him, not bothering to mask her disgust.

"Sorry," he offered. 

"Seriously, Charlie, mate - no women? Jeez, how long's it been? We're talking years, aren't we?"

Charlie forced a smile, but was now having even more trouble fighting the distaste and urge to smack his brother in the mouth.

"I've got my career to think about, Nate."

"Yes, of course - who do you plan on killing tomorrow?" Elena asked, her posh voice drifting over the table like music. 

Nathan laughed again, and this time his mother joined in. Charlie was past breaking point - he'd had enough.

"I'm sorry," he said, "But I'm going to have to leave you fine folks to your dessert. Thanks, mom."

"No problem," she replied, smiling at Elena across the table and not even bothering to look at him. 

"Bye, Nate - Elena."

He nodded his head towards the woman opposite him who merely glared at him, as if his presence was making her feel ill. 

Fine, he thought, fuck you. Fuck all of you - I'm going to get drunk. 

He closed the door behind him, and set off for the nearest bar. 

**********

Dear Diary, 

Just got in from the bar. It's now 2am. Remind me of this experience next time I consider going to my mom's again, slap me if I think about repeating the experience. Hell, shoot me!

No, don't shoot me, that was a bit of a drunken idea. As usual, my attempts to pull in the bar were thwarted and instead I ended up with a slap around the face and a bacardi thrown down my shirt. 

I was trying to be nice to her, and look where it got me! That shirt was one of my favourites. I doubt I'll ever get the stain out. 

My brother's fiancée, Elena - my goodness! I have never wanted to hurt somebody more in my life! She was so stuck-up, looking down her pointy nose at me, wouldn't even shake my hand! Still, she and Nate made a right pair, going on about how wonderful their lives are and telling me, as usual, how bad mine is. 

Fucking bastards. One of these days I'll turn up there with a beautiful woman on my arm, maybe a kid hanging onto my leg, with a good, well-paid job and they'll want me back. They'll want to have the distinguished son that they once thought was a lost cause back in their nest. 

I tell you, if I ever do get all of those things - home will be the last place I go. I'll get the fuck out of here, go somewhere quiet and peaceful. Somewhere I can relax, and look back over my life. 

All I see at the moment are regrets and failures. 

Going to bed with an aspirin now, and a fat headache. Boy, am I gonna regret tonight when I wake up tomorrow…

C.K.

**********

As he had predicted, Charles Kawalsky woke up with a bitch of a hangover. His cheek still stung from the slap he'd received the night before, and he could already feel the bile rising in his throat. 

Pulling the sheets off of himself, he dashed to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. Once he'd finished retching, he leant back against the wall and closed his eyes. 

Why did he keep on doing this? He knew full well that when he woke up he'd feel like hell, but he couldn't stop himself - there was nothing left for him to do except drink away his earnings. 

Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration - he was no alcoholic, but he certainly drank too much too often. 

He closed his eyes, and without meaning to he fell into a deep sleep on the bathroom rug. 

When he opened his eyes again, he could feel a soft hand gently stroking his cheek. He looked up and saw a beautiful woman staring down at him. She smiled as he gazed at her, and gently lowered her head to kiss him. Her lips felt soft against his, and he pulled her closer to him, savouring the feel of her touch. She laughed, a light lifting laugh, the complete opposite to Elena's mocking one. 

Who was she? Where had she come from? At this moment, Charlie didn't really care. He pulled her closer to him, running his fingers through her hair and smelling her delicate perfume. She laughed again, and stood up in front of him. She was wearing a long, white dress with thin straps at her shoulders, which stretched all the way from her shoulders to her ankles. He smiled and tried to sit up, but she pushed him down with her foot. 

It hurt a lot more than such a tiny force should have done, and when he looked properly he was shocked to see that the woman before him had changed. She was now shorter, with stubby hands and feet - it was Elena. She laughed mockingly at him, and stuck the point of her stiletto further into his chest. He squirmed and tried to get away from her but she would not let him, laughing louder and louder as he struggled to get free…

Charlie woke up with a start, and promptly vomited again. This time, he was retching for what seemed like hours until his stomach finally stopped lurching and he was able to sit down, looking at the wall in despair. He still remembered the woman in the white dress from his dream, he longed to feel her touch once again…

**********

Dear diary, 

Had the weirdest dream this morning. I'd just thrown up in the bathroom on waking up (sorry for the graphic detail) when I fell asleep again on the floor. 

I dreamt that there was this woman there with me - she was quite tall, and she had blue eyes. She was wearing this long, white silk dress that hung from her shoulders all the way down to her ankles - she was beautiful, and her smile…god, what a wonderful smile. 

She was kissing me, laughing and smiling. For a moment I actually believed that she was real, but then I felt pain in my chest. I looked up, and I found Elena staring down at me, sticking her pointy shoe into my chest. 

I woke up bathed in sweat and promptly threw up again, but I can still see the woman in white so clearly, like she was real, rather than a drink-induced fever. 

Must go and shower now. 

C.K.

**********

Kawalsky stepped into the shower and let the harshly warm droplets cascade over his body, running down his back and chest. He kept his eyes closed, letting the heat wake him up. The water ran freely down his figure and pooled in the bottom of the shower, running out through a small plughole. 

The sound of the water running away was therapeutic, and almost sent him back to sleep. Fortunately, he managed to wake himself up and finish washing. 

He stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself. He felt better, but still not well enough to eat anything. He was just wondering whether to go out for a run when the phone rang. 

With his feet still wet, he padded out to the living room to answer the phone. 

"Hello?" he asked. 

"Major Kawalsky?"

"Yes. Who am I speaking to?"

"This is General Hammond of the SGC."

"SGC?" 

Kawalsky looked up to see the damp footprints on the carpet and bit back a curse. 

"How soon can you be at the mountain?"

"How soon do you need me there, sir?"

"0900 hours, Major."

"I'll be there, sir - can I ask what this is about?"

"Not over the phone, Major," the voice replied, and the line went dead. 

He shrugged and put the phone down, grunting in annoyance at the wet footmarks on the carpet. He padded back to the bathroom and dried himself off, pulling on his robe and going back into his bedroom. 

Once there, he quickly dressed and looked at his watch. It read 0800 hours, which gave him plenty of time to get to work. 

**********

On his arrival at the SGC, Kawalsky ran into Major Feretti, one of the men who'd gone with him and Jack to Abydos. 

"Hey, Feretti!"

"Kawalsky! Never thought I'd be seeing you again!"

"Same here. You get some phonecall from a General Hammond?"

"Yeah. You too, huh?"

"Yeah. Don't suppose it's got anything to do with the Abydos mission, do ya?"

"I dunno, mate, but we'll have to keep our side of the bargain."

"No kidding. You actually heard from Jack recently?"

"Nah. Everything went quiet after he met Sara, if ya know what I mean!"

The two men laughed and proceeded inside the mountain, where they were met by an airman who guided them towards an office, that which used to belong to General West. 

Now, the nameplate read: General Hammond. The two men looked at each other, and Feretti knocked. 

"Come."

They entered the room to face a short man, who was completely bald. 

"Sir."

The two men stood at attention. 

"At ease, gentlemen. Please, have a seat."

They sat down, looking up at General Hammond and trying to gauge his mood. He wasn't going red in the face the way that General west used to, and his fists weren't clenched, but there was something about the man that was setting Kawalsky on edge. 

"I've called you here to ask you about the Abydos mission."

"Sir, permission to speak freely?" Feretti asked. 

"Granted, Major."

"We wrote a report, sir. Did you not read it?"

"I did, Major, but I happen to believe that it was wrong."

"Wrong, sir?"

"Yes. Major, is Daniel Jackson still alive?"

"No, sir. We told you - we…"

Feretti paused as there was another knock on the door. 

"Come." 

A man walked in that both of them recognised. 

"Jack!" 

"Hey, Feretti! Charlie!"

The men all shook hands and Jack sat down with them. 

"Why are we here, sir?" he asked. 

"Come with me," said Hammond, leading the three men down into the gateroom where something horribly familiar was being prepared - a nuclear bomb. 

"Uh…General?" Jack O'Neill asked.

"Colonel O'Neill, I am sending this bomb through to Abydos."

"Why?"

"Early this morning, the Stargate was activated and one of our airmen was taken hostage. The three men that were with her were found dead. One of these weapons was left behind."

General Hammond handed O'Neill a staff weapon, belonging to a jaffa. 

"We can't figure out how this works.."

Jack took the weapon and easily managed to activate it. 

"Seen one before, have we Colonel?"

"Yes sir."

"I'm sending this bomb through to eliminate the threat."

"But - you can't sir."

"You're damned right I can! Unless there's something you want to tell me, gentlemen?"

There was a long pause. Jack, Feretti and Kawalsky looked at each other. Jack was the one to speak up. 

"Daniel Jackson is alive, and living with the people of Abydos, sir."

Hammond's mouth set in a grim line. 

**********

Dear diary, 

Hammond's royally pissed. He's not sent the bomb through after all, but instead he's planning on sending us back through the gate to retrieve Daniel. 

He said that we were to meet him in the briefing room to be assigned formally. As long as I'm working with Jack and Feretti, nothing can possibly go wrong. 

He did look really annoyed though. He's a lot harder to predict than General West, who would just go red and start shouting. Hammond is completely different - he gets mad slowly, and doesn't show it. 

I can't believe it - in a few hours I'll be going back through the Stargate. 

C.K.

**********

Jack, Feretti and Kawalsky sat down together in the briefing room. They were talking amongst themselves until they heard General Hammond's footsteps approaching. They all stood up and saluted him. 

"At ease, gentlemen. I'd like to discuss the formation of teams with you. The Pentagon has decided that we are to re-open the Stargate for recon missions, beginning with this one. I have assigned Sam Carter to work with you on this one, Colonel."

"With respect, sir, I'd prefer to chose my own team."

"Captain Carter is the world's foremost expert on the Stargate, Colonel."

"Fine. Where's he transferring from?" Jack asked. 

"She is transferring from the Pentagon," came a voice from the doorway. 

Feretti, Kawalsky and Jack all looked up to see a fairly tall, blonde-haired woman walking into the room, dressed in blue air-force uniform. 

"Captain Samantha Carter reporting for duty, sir."

She stood stiffly at attention until General Hammond allowed her to sit. 

Kawalsky could not resist having a bit of a jab at her. 

"But of course you go by Sam."

Her eyes flickered over to him. 

"Don't worry, Major, I played with dolls when I was a kid."

Her voice was hard, but there was a touch of playfulness in it. Feretti picked up where Kawalsky left off. 

"G.I. Joe?" he asked, trying to keep himself from laughing. 

"Major Matt Mason," she replied, shooting them both a hard look. 

"Who?" Kawalsky asked. 

"Hey, did you have that cool little backpack that made him fly?" Feretti asked. 

Kawalsky couldn't help it - he had to smirk. He and Feretti looked at each other, and were attempted to do a high-five. Colonel O'Neill looked at the two of them with amusement, torn between laughing and telling them off. 

The mission briefing continued, with Feretti and Charlie poking a little fun here and there. It all went downhill when Feretti told her what it felt like to actually go through the Stargate, and she answered by giving him a highly detailed description of why he felt like he'd just been through a blizzard naked.

"General, please!" said Jack in exasperation, "A scientist?"

"Theoretical astrophysicist," she replied sharply. 

"Whatever," he said, "I…"

"Colonel, you and your men are just going to have to accept that I'm going through with you this time."

Jack stood up, and Kawalsky could almost feel one of his highly sarcastic comments coming. 

"Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women - I just have a little problem with scientists."

**********

Dear diary, 

You would not believe what has happened in the past few hours. We've been told that we're going through the gate again, and we've also met Captain Samantha Carter. 

I tell you, she's something else.

She came across as very feminist, and I'm not sure I liked her to begin with, but then I saw a small sparkle in her eye as she challenged Jack to an arm-wrestle. (It's a long story.) 

I think she'll be good for him. Even though she's a scientist, I saw a small glint in Jack's eye. I think he likes her really, he's just not about to show it. The man's too stubborn for his own good. 

We leave for Abydos tomorrow at 0800 hours. I personally can't wait to see what Carter's like in the field. I know that Jack can't either.

C.K.

**********

The next morning, Jack, Charlie and Feretti were in the locker room, preparing for their mission to Abydos and discussing their new team-member. 

"What'd ya think of Miss Carter, then?" Feretti asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

"Scientist," Jack grunted, "Why a scientist?"

Feretti put on a high voice. "Theoretical astrophysicist, Jack!"

"Oh, pardon me for forgetting," he said, pulling on one of his boots and tightly doing up the laces. 

"Charlie, you've been quiet on the subject - what do you think of her?"

Charlie shrugged. "She seems okay - about a million times smarter than the three of us put together, but… What?"

"Somebody fancies her!" Feretti grinned, and Jack snorted. 

"I do not! Jeez, Jack - I've only known her for what - ten minutes?"

Jack smirked. "Early starter, are we Charles?"

"Fuck off!" Charlie replied, throwing a jacket at him. 

"Still, now you've got one in your sights, don't let her go mate!" Feretti grinned. "We all know how long it's been since you last got laid."

Jack shook his head sympathetically. "Poor, poor man."

"And when was the last time you got laid, Mr smartarse?" he asked Jack. 

"That's none of your business, Major Kawalsky."

"Oh, come on Jack! You can tell us!"

"Get a life, Feretti - you really want to know?"

"Yeah."

Kawalsky snorted. "You taking notes or something?"

"Fuck you!" Feretti laughed, throwing a shoe at him. 

"Ladies, please!" Jack held up his hands in mock protest, "Stop fighting over me!"

Feretti and Charlie looked at each other for a moment, before simultaneously throwing their clothes at Jack. 

***********

They went through the gate to Abydos without a single problem. Charlie did have to admit that he felt sorry for Captain Carter when she came out the other side looking a lot greener than before. 

Jack made a snide joke and walked off with Feretti, the two men laughing and joking as they went over to meet Doctor Jackson. 

Captain Carter, however, was fascinated by the DHD in front of her. Kawalsky watched as her eyes lit up, and she began exploring the device, touching it with her hands and muttering excitedly under her breath. He was about to go over to her when he heard Jack calling his name.

"Charlie! Come over here and be polite, for crying out loud!"

He smiled as he met Daniel Jackson again, and handed him a packet of tissues. 

"Kawalsky," he smiled, his brown eyes shining as he patted him on the back. 

The men then all turned back to Captain Carter, who was still speaking to herself and observing the DHD. 

"Jack?" Daniel asked questioningly. 

"Captain Carter!" Jack called, "Why don't you come over here and introduce yourself?"

She ran over and greeted Daniel with an enthusiastic smile. The two of them were soon involved in a deep discussion about something neither Jack, Feretti nor Kawalsky understood. 

"Scientists," Jack murmured, shaking his head. 

**********

Dear diary, 

So much has happened in the past few hours, not all of it good. Actually, most of it bad. 

We came through the gate to Abydos and met up with Daniel, Shau'ri and the Abydonians again, and they laid on this huge feast for us, making us feel very welcome. Daniel told us that he'd found something called a cartouche, so we all followed him to this huge…thing. 

He and Captain Carter were talking very loudly and scientifically for a very long time, so the conversation went right over our (Me and Jack's) heads. They both appeared to be very happy and excited by the end of it, but Jack had to ask them for a translation. 

Basically, the cartouche was a map. The Stargate can go to many different places, not just one as we'd previously thought. This is a huge breakthrough. 

We returned to the main hall only to be greeted with tragedy. Whilst we'd been away, the Goa'uld had come through the gate and massacred most of the people, taking Shau'ri and Skaara with them as prisoners. Feretti had also been badly wounded in the ensuing fight. 

Whilst Carter took care of Feretti, Jack and I tried to get information from several people who were still alive, and we also had to try and calm Daniel down. It didn't work. The man was beside himself, and who could blame him? 

His perfect life, his dreams of the future, vanished. 

Tomorrow we have another meeting scheduled with General Hammond. For now, I'm going to get off of the base for a drink. Just a small one, though.

C.K.

**********

Kawalsky went into the bar and ordered himself a double scotch. He took his drink over to what he liked to call 'his table' and sat down, looking out of the window and replaying the day's events in his head. 

Feretti was in the infirmary, and Jack was with him. Kawalsky had tried to stay as well, but he'd been ordered to leave by the doctor - miserable bastard. 

As he sat down, he realised that the one person he hadn't said goodnight to was Captain Carter. Once she'd helped Feretti to the infirmary she had disappeared, and none of them knew where to. 

He swallowed the fiery liquid and smiled at a group of women who were obviously eyeing him up. They giggled and turned away, leaving him with a small smirk on his face. 

Maybe I will get lucky, Jack, he thought. 

One of the women came over to him and sat down. She had straight, red hair that fell to her shoulders and bright green eyes. 

"Hey," she smiled, fluttering her eyelashes at him. 

"Hi. What's your name?" he asked. 

"Kate. You?"

"Charlie," he smiled, taking another sip of his drink. 

"That's a nice name. What do you do?"

"Excuse me?"

"For a living. What do you do for a living?"

"I..I'm with the Air Force."

Kate was obviously impressed. "Wow. I'd love to work for the Air Force."

Charlie smiled, and wondered whether this woman was right in the head. 

"Can I get you another drink?" he asked.

"Thanks," she said, flashing him a brilliant smile and grinning back at her friends. 

**********

Dear diary, 

Well, I got laid. That's something to tell Jack and Feretti I suppose, to shut them up, but I don't know why I bothered. The chick won't even take one look at me again, I don't suppose. 

Must go to sleep now - supposed to be getting up early for work tomorrow morning. This was a very bad idea. 

C.K.

**********

When Charlie woke up he could see that he had company again. The woman in the white silk dress was sitting by the open window, watching him. He tried to sit up to look at her but found himself unable to move. The gentle breeze ruffled her hair and the dress moved a little way up her leg. 

She smiled at him, and crossed to his side, her lips touching his again in a wonderful kiss. He slid his arms around her back, pulling her closer to him. 

One minute she was there, the next…she was gone. 

He opened his eyes to find himself alone in bed, clutching hold of a throw. With a grunt of annoyance he tossed the material onto the floor and went back to sleep again. 

**********

The next morning, Charlie was physically and mentally regretting his binge. He felt like complete crap when he woke up in the morning, and it was only his need to go back to work that drove him to get up. He was still thinking about the woman from his dream, and was torn between telling someone about it and just trying to forget her. 

When he arrived at the SGC he met Captain Carter on her way down to the briefing room. 

"Hey," he said, getting into the elevator. 

"Hi," she said, looking at him. "You look like you had a rough night."

"Yeah," he grunted, "Won't do that again."

He waited for his head to clear a little more before asking her another question. 

"So…where'd you go last night?"

"Er…my lab."

"Your lab? You didn't want to get off of the base?"

"No. I enjoy my work, and especially when it gets late. It's quiet, there's no people around." She smiled awkwardly. "You must think I'm weird now, right?"

"No," he said, "I've met stranger people than you."

"Thanks," she snorted, smiling at him jokingly, "I'll take that as a compliment."

The elevator doors opened to reveal Jack O'Neill standing there, a huge grin on his face. 

"Colonel," Captain Carter greeted him as she walked out of the elevator and quickly turned a corner, out of sight. 

Jack smirked. "Early starter indeed, Charlie."

"Shut up, Jack. I met her on the way down - in the elevator."

"Sure ya did, Charlie."

"How's Feretti?" Charlie asked, desperately changing the subject. 

"He's not regained consciousness yet, but the doctor says he's stable. So…you got some last night?"

Charlie waited until a young lieutenant had passed them before he continued, "Yeah, I did, but not with who you're thinking."

"Well who then?" Jack asked. 

Kawalsky raised his eyebrows. "Jack, it seems highly inappropriate for us to be talking about this whilst Feretti is lying unconscious in the infirmary."

"Give over, Charlie. You know he'd do the same - besides, the doctor said he's gonna be fine. So - who?"

"Some woman called Kate," he replied. 

"Ah. One-nighter?"

"Yep."

"At least ya got some, mate," Jack slapped him on the back and the two of them walked towards the briefing room. 

**********

Dear diary,

Just have time to write this before we go back through the gate. I've been given command of my own team! That'd shut Elena and Nate up - commanding officer! Wow! My team's called SG-2, Jack's in charge of SG-1. Carter's his second-in-command, the lucky man. She's a brilliant woman, though she has a habit of talking too much about too scientific things…most of the time Jack's eyes just glaze over. 

Must remember to ring mom when I get back home, tell her of my promotion. Must also remember to refuse dinner invite. 

C.K.

**********

(Many hours later, SG-1 and SG-2 are running back to the Stargate (with Teal'c) to escape. Kawalsky and his men are fighting some of the more stubborn jaffa. One of them falls to the ground near Kawalsky, and unbeknown to anyone, the symbiote slips out of the jaffa and flies at Kawalsky, inhabiting his body. Unfortunately, no one seems to notice…)

**********

Oh my God. 

Oh my dear God, what was that?

Darkness. Pain. Warmth. Agony.

I felt a sharp pain in my neck, a tingling sensation down my spine. 

What happened to me? 

__

+ Silence, Tau'ri! We shall proceed back through the Stargate +

Oh, sweet Jesus. 

There's one of them in me. 

**********

Continued in 'Each Man's Life Part 2: The End or the Beginning


	2. Each Man's Life Part 2: The End or the B...

Title: Each Man's Life Part 2: The End or the Beginning

Rating: R

Spoilers: Children of the Gods, The Enemy Within (Alternative ending to 'The Enemy Within'.)

Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, Paradise Lost, Fanfiction.net, SJD yes

Details: The story of Charles Kawalsky's life, beginning before 101 Children of the Gods. 

Response to Heliopolis Challenge #654   
It's simple, I want a Kawalsky story, or at least with him in it and that he doesn't die, if ya get him involved with someone EVEN better:). And please NO humour. E-mail me, please, if yer gonna write it.

Response to Heliopolis challenge #1,360

Story with a Bible quote in the beginning. And let it make some sense after reading the story.

Summary: Kawalsky's life is thrown into turmoil when he finds his body inhabited by a Goa'uld symbiote, and it is whilst trying to resist it that he grows strong once more, watching Jack and Sam develop their friendship and learning more about the mysterious woman from his dreams. Response to Heliopolis challenges #654 and #1,360.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

~ Each Man's Life Part 2: The End or the Beginning ~

Copyright © 2003 Ruth

**********

'Show me, O Lord, my life's end

and the number of my days;

let me know how fleeting is my life.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth

The span of my years is nothing before you

Each man's life is but a breath.'

Psalm 39:4-6

**********

I feel numb. Everyone's congratulating me, telling me what a good job I've done - and none of them have even noticed. What am I going to do? How am I going to get this thing out of me?

+ _You will not remove me, you pathetic Tau'ri_ +

I feel sick. 

__

+ No, you feel power for once in your small, insignificant life +

Whenever I talk, there's another voice. Speaking, mocking, laughing. Why won't anyone help me?

+ _Because they have no idea, you foolish human_ +

I try calling out for Jack, Sam, Daniel in the night - but my voice is silenced. I try to scream, but no sound comes out. 

+ _I own you, Tau'ri. I shall take great delight in watching you kill your friends_ +

This can't be happening to me. Hell, I'd rather spend the rest of my days living with Elena and Nate than this…

+ _Do not fool yourself, Tau'ri, you despise the woman_ +

I can see my whole life flash before my eyes. 

+ _How boring for you_ +

Why won't the voice stop? Why won't it leave? For fear of sounding like a woman, I daren't ask for help, but I don't understand what's going on with me.

**********

The next morning, SG-1 (Jack, Sam and Daniel) and Kawalsky met up in the gateroom. Several minutes had passed before the klaxons began to wail, and the Goa'uld attempted to breach the Iris again. They failed, their bodies slamming against the metal with a deafening _wham!_

"The Iris'll hold, right?" Jack asked. 

"Yes," Sam replied, and promptly shot of a line of what Jack now called 'techno-babble' which made Kawalsky's headache even worse. 

"You alright, Charlie?" Jack asked. 

"Just a headache - can't seem to shift it."

"You get yourself down to the infirmary right away, son," General Hammond ordered. 

**********

I don't know what happened.

One minute I was sitting in the infirmary, waiting for the doctor to finish whatever he was doing to me, and the next I was standing in the gateroom, with Jack, Daniel and Sam behind me. 

"Charlie? Charlie, what are you doing?"

**********

That night, as he lay sleeping in his quarters, Kawalsky had the same dream. The woman in the white silk dress was standing by the door. 

"Help me!" he whispered, trying to move closer to her but finding himself held back by an invisible force. 

+ _She doesn't want you, Tau'ri. She doesn't even exist!_ +

The woman gazed at him sadly, remaining with her back to the door. 

"Please!" he begged. 

Then, for the first time, she spoke to him. 

"They will help you," she said, her voice as light and airy as birdsong. 

"Wh - what do you mean?"

"They will help you," she repeated. 

+ _Don't get too hopeful - you'll have killed them before they notice something is wrong!_ +

"Shut up!" 

The woman gazed sadly at him for a moment, before she left the room quietly. 

"No! No, please! Don't leave me!"

+ _She has already gone, you pathetic creature_ +

"Shut up! What do you want from me anyway?"

+ _You have the Iris codes. Once you have taken the lives of your friends you will give them to me_ +

"Fuck you!"

+ _That would be an impossible challenge, Tau'ri_ +

"I won't do it! I won't!"

+ _Oh, but you will. Starting tomorrow, with the woman _+

"I thought you said that she was just a dream! Can't kill her if she's a dream, can I?"

+ _You fool! Samantha Carter will die by your hand tomorrow, not your fantasy woman!+_

"No! I won't hurt her!"

+ _Once I have control of you, you will be able to do nothing but watch as I slowly drain the life from her. I just thought you should know I get great enjoyment from it, as well as knowing that you, you pathetic underling, can do nothing to stop me. _+

**********

Captain Samantha Carter sat in the control room with Sergeant Davis, working on one of the computers. She often liked to sit down by the Stargate during the early hours of the morning, when everyone else (and she should have been) was sleeping. Sergeant Davis and she had become good friends, the 'techno-babble' that most of them found hard to understand being a common language between the two of them. 

They were currently involved in a deep conversation about wormhole physics, so they didn't hear footsteps approaching them. Sam turned around to see Major Kawalsky standing behind her. Thinking nothing of it, she turned back just in time to see him breaking Sergeant Davis' arm. 

"Kawalsky, what the hell are you doing?" she asked, her eyes wide with fear. 

He turned on her suddenly, and she ran to the intercom. 

"Emergency in the control room! Emergency in the control room!" she shouted, only to be grabbed from behind by Major Kawalsky. 

She struggled but he held her in a firm grip, and whispered in her ear:

+ _Help me_ +

Her blood ran cold as she realised that it wasn't Kawalsky's voice - it was a Goa'uld. 

"Kawalsky!" 

Sam felt herself being swung around and faced Jack O'Neill, standing looking at her with the same look of horror on his face as she had done moments before. 

He quickly began to drag her away from Jack, down a set of stairs. 

**********

+ _So, this is Samantha. I must admit, she's tougher than I expected_ +

"Damn you, let her go!"

+ _It is you that has hold of her, Charles, not me_ +

"Where the hell are you taking her?"

+ _Away from all of these people - she can't have an audience for her final curtain_ +

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"

+ _I hardly think so. Only she knows of my existence - and that is about to be dealt with_ +

**********

He dragged her into the lift and watched as the doors shut behind him. Then, he released his grip on her. She sprung to the other side of the elevator and looked at him, horror and disgust on her face at the same time. 

"You know they'll never let you out of this mountain alive!"

**********

+ _Come on then, Charles. You haven't dragged her all this way to do nothing_ +

"Leave her alone!"

+ _It is you that will hurt her, not I _+

"I will not hurt her!"

**********

In desperation, Sam reached for the emergency stop button and slammed her fist into it. The elevator lurched to a halt. 

**********

+ _Godammit! Why must you Tau'ri always interfere?_ +

Kawalsky watched with horror, through his own eyes but paralysed, as he grabbed hold of Sam and threw her back into the lift wall, with such force that she was knocked unconscious. 

"No! You son of a bitch!" 

+ _You could have done the job yourself, Charles. You just needed a push in the right direction. Now, who will go next…?_ +

"I won't kill anyone!"

(Laughter) + _You just did!_ +

"No! That wasn't me, it was you!"

It was then that Kawalsky heard the squeaking of the doors being forced open and he dropped to Sam's side, feeling for her pulse. 

+ _You're not gonna find one _+

"I just did, so fuck you!"

+ _Oh, blast. Never mind, tomorrow is another day_ +

"Kawalsky!" Jack snarled, looking at him through the elevator doors, "What the hell is goin' on?"

"I dunno, Jack - but she's hurt bad. You've gotta get her to the infirmary!"

Jack looked down at Captain Carter and back up at Major Kawalsky, unable to comprehend what he'd just seen.

**********

+ _We were so close_ +

"It won't happen again - not now we're onto you."

+ _You humans are not nearly as smart as you believe you are_ +

"You're the one who just got found out!"

+ _Silence! You pitiful creature - what do you expect to gain from this?_ +

"I want my life back."

+ _It is mine now_ +

"No! My body may be yours at the moment, but my life - my soul, is not!"

+ _As far as I can tell, Charles, you're not too happy with your life at the moment, are you? Would it really matter if I took that away from you?_ +

"You don't know anything about me!"

+ _On the contrary, Charles, I know everything. Everything from your first word to the last thing you said to your brother_+

"I don't have a brother."

+ _You cannot fool me, idiot Tau'ri. I have been alive for more years than even your parents - I am not stupid_ +

**********

Pain. Darkness. Fear. Loneliness. Forgetting.

**********

When he opened his eyes, he found his angel looking back at him. 

"Please…" he begged, "You have to help me."

"They will help you," she whispered, taking his hand in hers. 

"They don't know - I just…"

"They know. They will help you, trust me."

"But I don't even know who you are."

"You will, in time."

**********

Kawalsky awoke to find himself strapped to a bed, with Jack looking at him. 

"Get this thing out of me, Jack!" he begged. 

"We're doing the best we can, Charlie."

"Jack…when I was out…did I hurt anybody?"

Jack's expression became strained. 

"Oh, God…" Kawalsky moaned. "Who?"

"You really don't remember?"

No, he didn't. Something that should have stuck in his mind as a horrific experience had been totally wiped from his memory. 

"Jack, please - I need to know."

"Captain Carter."

"Oh, no! Jack, what did I…I didn't mean to hurt her…"

"Charlie, it's okay - she's just concussed, and she doesn't blame you."

"Get this thing out of me, Jack."

**********

A couple of days later, Kawalsky lay in bed, about to be taken through to the infirmary for his surgery. He only just managed to look up when Jack entered. 

"Hey," he smiled. 

"Hi."

"Jack, I…just want you to know…"

"Stop going on like it's our last conversation…"

"It was an honor serving with you, Jack."

"Okay, so it's our last conversation. There's something I have to ask you, and it's not easy for me to say this."

"You're my friend, Jack. Ask me anything."

"Okay. If..If you don't make it…can I have your stereo?"

There was a long pause, and Kawalsky choked:

"It hurts to laugh."

"Don't worry - when you wake up, it'll be gone."

*********

He fell into a deep sleep, induced by both the anaesthesia and his own exhaustion. When he opened his eyes he was still laying in the infirmary, but he had company. 

"I told you that they would help you."

She sat on the edge of his bed, smiling. 

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me - thank your friends."

"Don't leave me - please."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I…are….am I dreaming? Are you just a part of my dream?"

"I am here now," she whispered, gently stroking her finger across his face. 

"Who are you?" he asked, his exhaustion turning to confusion. 

"You will learn soon enough. Just as you have learned the value of freedom."

"You're saying this was a test? This whole Goa'uld implantation - a test?"

"You felt that your life was worthless. You had no direction, no strength to continue on. Now you realise how wonderful it was to be free, to live without pressure and fear."

"But…I don't understand…"

"You will in time."

"What's that supposed to mean? You're just confusing me again! Who did this to me? Who are you?"

She smiled at him sadly. 

"Charlie? Charlie, wake up."

"What?" he asked. 

**********

"Charlie? Charlie, wake up."

He opened his eyes to see Jack's worried face looking down at him. 

"Hey, buddy! How're ya feeling?" 

"Like a truck hit me," he groaned. "Can I have some water?"

"Sure." 

Jack poured him a glass of water and watched him carefully as he drank it, choking when he gulped a little too much of the liquid. 

"Easy, you're not drinking for two any more!" he joked, taking the glass away from him. 

"How'd it go?" he asked. 

"Touch and go for a while, but they got it out of you - you're free, Charlie. Back to SG-2 for you, my man!"

"I didn't think I was gonna live to see my first command…" he smiled dreamily. 

"Well, ya will, buddy. Just better watch you do a good job of it, or Hammond'll have my ass."

Kawalsky snorted, and at that moment the door opened. Sam and Daniel entered. 

"Hi! Didn't know you were awake yet!" Sam smiled, walking closer to the bed. 

"Ditto," he said, looking at her worriedly, "Sam, I'm sorry about…"

She waved her hand dismissively. "It wasn't you - it was the symbiote. I've had worse!" she laughed. 

"Really?" Jack asked. 

"Well, yeah. Me and my brother used to beat each other up all the time - until he was about 30, I think."

Kawalsky laughed again. 

"It still kinda hurts to laugh," he said carefully. 

"You made it, Kawalsky," Daniel smiled, "You beat it. That's more hope for Shau'ri."

"Good," he said, stifling a yawn. 

"Okay, people," said Jack, addressing Sam and Daniel, "I think it's time to let Dorothy get back to Oz."

"G'night, scarecrow," Kawalsky joked. 

"Are you mad? I'd be the…"

"Never mind."

**********

"They saved you. You are well again."

"You still haven't told me who you are - or if you're even real!"

"I am real."

"What's your name? Do you have a name, just something I can call you?"

"My name is Leila."

"Leila. That's a pretty name. Where do you come from?"

"My race is not one that the Tau'ri are familiar with. We were once like you, but before our deaths we chose to ascend to a higher plane of existence, known as ascension. We are the ascended beings - something like the creatures you call angels."

"Ascended beings…why haven't we heard of you before?"

"There are very few of us, and we are forbidden from interfering in the lives of the un-ascended."

"But you interfered in mine."

"I merely spoke to you, Charlie, I did not help you."

"But you did, Leila - you helped me more than you know."

"It was your friends that helped you, Charlie, you must not forget that."

Charlie was confused. Leila was real - she was a person, but she was also a…an alien? And how come only he could see her?

"Leila, am I the only one that can see you?"

"If I wish for someone to see me, they will. If I do not want to be seen, they will not."

"That's a yes, then, right?"

She smiled. "It is."

"Why did you come to me?" he asked, "I'm just…"

"You were confused, alone, desperate. I had to show you that your life was worth living, your every breath was of high value."

"So…are you saying that you did this to me? You put the Goa'uld in me?"

"I told you, Charlie, we are not allowed to interfere. I saw what happened to you and I realised the opportunity to show you the way. The symbiote was not a part of my plan, but it proved to be helpful in the end."

"Helpful? Helpful? Leila, it almost killed me!"

"It showed you that you have true friends, who you feel for deeply in your heart. Even when the symbiote tried to make you kill Captain Carter, you resisted, showing incredible strength. You fought it to the very end, which is why you have pulled through."

She paused, and looked at him. 

"Your life has been anything but worthless, Charlie."

**********

"When can I get out of here?"

"When and ONLY when I say you are strong enough, Major Kawalsky. You should be appreciating the rest."

"I'm bored out of my mind, doctor, and I feel fine. When's the earliest you'll release me?"

"Four days, minimum."

"Four days?"

"Major, I do not need to remind you that just a few days ago your body was inhabited by a Goa'uld symbiote - you need not only physical recuperation but mental as well. I have arranged an appointment for you with Doctor McKenzie."

"But…"

"No buts, Major. When Doctor McKenzie and myself are satisfied that your recuperation is complete we will let you leave the infirmary for some downtime. He'll be coming to see you at three o'clock, so no visitors."

The doctor swept out of the room, leaving a highly agitated Kawalsky behind him. 

"Doctor McKenzie?" Jack asked, when he entered the room an hour later with Captain Carter, "Man, that sucks!"

"Tell me about it - I'll never get out of here at this rate!"

"The man makes my flesh crawl," Captain Carter added, rubbing her arm as if to demonstrate it. 

"When have you ever had to see McKenzie?" Jack asked. 

"Once. But I mean, seeing him in the corridor is bad enough!"

"I agree with Sam - the man's a snake. I wouldn't talk to him even if I wanted to!"

"What time's he coming?"

"Three o'clock."

"Oh…that's…."

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"Ah, crap. Well, it was nice knowing you guys. Take care now."

"Good luck," Captain Carter offered, squeezing his hand.

**********

"Major Kawalsky, my name is Doctor McKenzie, and I'm evaluating your psychological condition in the aftermath of your blending with the Goa'uld symbiote. Tell me, Major, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, apart from wondering why the hell you're sitting here," Kawalsky snapped.

"There is no need to be acidic with me, Major, I am merely trying to help you. Now, how much of the incident do you remember?"

"Which particular incident are you referring to, Doctor?"

"When your body was first inhabited. What did you feel?"

"I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck, but at the time I just thought it was a strain. It went off pretty quickly."

"I see. Tell me, could you hear the thoughts of the symbiote?"

"No."

"That's strange. From our previous findings…"

"Doctor, can we get this over with please? I'm tired."

"I thought you felt fine, Major Kawalsky. Anyway, when did you first feel that the symbiote had complete control, that you were powerless to it?"

"In the infirmary. With doctor…uh…"

"Yes, I know which Doctor you are referring to. How did it make you feel, Major?"

"Annoyed. Kinda like what you're doing now."

McKenzie, jotting down notes on a pad, decided to put an end to his bravado. 

"And what about the incident with Captain Carter?" he asked, watching as the cockiness vanished from the man in front of him, "How did that make you feel?"

"I wasn't even aware that it was happening," he lied, twisting his hands beneath the sheets. 

"You concussed her fairly seriously, Major. You must remember something."

"I…" Kawalsky was torn between telling the man what he wanted to know to make him go away and holding back, just to keep everything bottled up inside himself. 

He was considering the two options when he felt a soft hand on his arm. He turned around to see Leila sitting opposite him, smiling. 

"Tell him how you felt, Charlie."

"Major Kawalsky?" McKenzie asked, "Are you okay?"

"I was very aware of what was going on. I could see everything, hell, I could even feel myself holding her, but I couldn't stop. It was like..like I'd been pre-programmed and nobody could stop me."

"How did that make you feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel?" he snapped, but stopped when he felt Leila's hand smoothing his arm gently. 

"I'm asking you, Major."

"I felt trapped. Helpless. Happy now?"

"How does it make you feel to know that you could have killed her, Major? I haven't spoken to Captain Carter myself yet, but I will be doing so. How would you feel if she was dead?"

"Awful. It'd be my fault."

"And why do you say that?" McKenzie asked, gripping the pen a little tighter in his fingers. 

"At the end of the day, it was my arms that grabbed her, that threw her back against that lift wall. Not anybody else's - mine. I'd hold myself personally accountable."

"Why is this? Do you feel…attracted to her in any way?"

"For fuck's sake!" Kawalsky was quite mad now. "She's my friend and I beat the shit out of her - what part of that don't you understand?"

"I can see that we're not getting any further," McKenzie said, rubbing his chin. "Thank you, Major."

**********

"So…how'd it go with Psycho?"

"McKenzie? Ah, jeez, does the man ever shut up?"

"No."

"I don't know why you're smiling, Carter, he's coming to see you next."

"Me?" she squeaked, "Why?"

"Could have something to do with the fact that I took you hostage, tried to kill you and knocked you unconscious."

"Oh, that! Well, that wasn't your fault, and if McKenzie thinks he can analyse me, then he can go f-"

"Captain Carter! I was just coming to see you."

Jack looked at Kawalsky as Dr McKenzie entered the room. 

"McKenzie!" he called, "How ya doing, y'old dog?"

McKenzie's eyes narrowed and he looked at Sam. "I need to speak with Captain Carter. Privately."

Sam stood up reluctantly, and started to leave the room with the doctor. 

"Godspeed, Captain," Jack said, saluting her. 

"It was an honor, Sam!" Kawalsky called after her. 

She smiled back at them, crossed herself and walked out of the door. 

**********

"What d'you suppose he's gonna ask her?" Kawalsky asked Jack. 

"I dunno, his usual bullshit - are you emotionally damaged, do you need me to lock you up in a room and pump you full of drugs…that kind of thing. Why d'ya ask?"

"Jack, it just seems strange. Normally, he doesn't give a crap about any of us, except for when we literally get dragged to him."

Jack shrugged. "I know it's a totally gross thought, but what if he fancies her?"

"Ugh! Jack, don't wish that on the poor woman!"

"Yeah, true enough. Sorry Sam, if you're still alive."

"Jack, do you think he's trying to hurt me…through Sam?"

Jack frowned. "What do you mean?"

"She's young, she's only just started here. That must have been a huge shock, maybe he's…"

"Charlie," Jack said, seriously, "When you first met Carter in the briefing room, did you think she was at all vulnerable?"

"Well, I…"

"Charlie, answer me."

"No."

"Exactly. She came across as a feminist - fortunately we now know what she's really like - she won't take any of McKenzie's crap, I know it! I think in the two days that I've known her I've probably rubbed off enough of my negative influence…"

Charlie laughed. "Yeah. Maybe you're right, sorry Jack, I've just been a bit wound up lately."

"Perfectly understandable, and yes I'm always right."

**********

Later that evening, Jack found Captain Carter sitting by herself in the control room, looking out at the Stargate. 

"Hey," he said, sitting in the chair beside her.

"Hey, sir."

"Ya can drop the 'sir', Carter, we're off duty."

"Yeah, but we're still on the base."

"Yeah, sure, you betcha," Jack said, looking out at the gate and missing the smile that passed over her lips. 

"It's beautiful at night," she said, following his gaze to the gate. 

"What, this? It's a giant metal ring!" Jack laughed, earning himself a friendly punch on the arm. 

"Look at it - it's amazing. It's a door to another world!" she said, her eyes sparkling. 

Jack smiled, enjoying the way she gazed at it. 

"It's the doorway to a major pain in the butt," he grunted, getting another punch. 

"Ow! Carter, I'm gonna have to court-martial you for assaulting a superior officer!"

"Sorry, sir," she said, giving him the smile that made his knees go weak.

"Speaking of assault - how'd it go with McKenzie?"

Carter groaned deeply. 

"That bad?" he asked, shifting in his chair to face her. 

"And more," she said, pushing a hand through her short hair, "He's a total control freak - I nearly killed him!"

Jack leant back on the chair, spinning around on it for a few moments. Sam giggled. 

"What did he say?" Jack asked, bringing the swivel chair to a stop and watching the room spin before his eyes. 

"He was basically trying to get me to slip up and say that it was Charlie's fault."

"Bastard. I don't suppose he even pretended he was going to do otherwise?"

"Nope. From the moment I went in he treated me like a victim."

"But you were a victim, Carter."

"No, I wasn't. I hate being called a victim. It wasn't Charlie's fault."

Jack held up his hands in defense. "Okay, fine! I won't call you a victim - but you got knocked out for a few hours, Sam."

"Colonel, I've had much worse." She said, looking out at the Stargate again. 

"You wanna talk about it?" Jack asked. 

Sam turned back to him and smiled. "It's a very long story, Colonel, you really don't want to know."

Jack finally found the lever that adjusted the height of the chair and pulled it upwards. The chair fell to within a few centimetres of the floor, so his nose was only just touching the top of the desk. 

Sam laughed. It was music to his ears.

**********

In the infirmary, Kawalsky sat looking up at the ceiling. He was bored out of his skull, and wanted nothing more than to go home. However, the doctors were insistent that he couldn't leave until he was properly healed, and there was still the small problem of Doctor McKenzie. Actually, it was a rather large problem. 

"Thinking about that psychiatrist?" a voice asked. 

Charlie looked down and saw Leila sitting opposite him, smiling. 

"Yeah. How'd you guess?"

She shrugged. "I guessed that he would be on your mind."

"He's trying to get me to admit that I'm psychologically damaged, and that I almost killed Captain Carter."

"What did you tell him?"

"I did what you told me to do - I told him the truth and now he's gonna hang me with it."

Leila put her hand on his arm. 

"You worry too much. Everything will work out alright."

Kawalsky smiled wearily. "You obviously don't have much experience of working at the SGC - everything goes wrong here, and stays wrong."

Leila tipped her head and looked at him. 

"You didn't die - how can that be wrong?"

"Well, I suppose that's true, but…It shouldn't have happened in the first place…"

"Life is about taking chances, Charlie - if you don't take them, sure you might live to be 100 but will you have enjoyed it? Now, come on, go to sleep."

"You can't tell me what to do," he grumbled, but obediently laid down anyway. 

"Sleep is a great healer," Leila whispered, kissing his forehead. 

In seconds his eyes were closed and he had fallen into a deep sleep, thinking about how he would make the most of his life from that moment on.

**********

'Show me, O Lord, my life's end

and the number of my days;

let me know how fleeting is my life.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth

The span of my years is nothing before you

Each man's life is but a breath.'

Psalm 39:4-6

**********

Continued in 'Each Man's Life Part 3: The Eyes of Another

__


	3. Each Man's Life Part 3: Eyes of Another

Title: Each Man's Life Part 3: The Eyes of Another  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Children of the Gods, The Enemy Within, Solitudes  
  
Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, Paradise Lost, Fanfiction.net, SJD yes, Jackfic  
  
Details: The story of Charles Kawalsky's life, beginning before 101 Children of the Gods.   
  
Response to Heliopolis Challenge #654  
  
It's simple, I want a Kawalsky story, or at least with him in it and that he doesn't die, if ya get him involved with someone EVEN better:). And please NO humour. E-mail me, please, if yer gonna write it.  
  
Response to Heliopolis challenge #1,360  
  
Story with a Bible quote in the beginning. And let it make some sense after reading the story.  
  
Summary: Two years on, SG-1 and SG-2 engage in a battle with Apophis. Kawalsky must watch as his critically wounded friends Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter struggle between admitting their true feelings for one another and going beyond the call of duty. As a result, his relationship with Leila comes under strain. Response to Heliopolis challenges #654 and #1360.  
  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  
  
  
  
~ Each Man's Life Part 3: The Eyes of Another ~  
  
Copyright (c) 2003 Ruth  
  
**********  
  
'Show me, O Lord, my life's end  
  
and the number of my days;  
  
let me know how fleeting is my life.  
  
You have made my days a mere handbreadth  
  
The span of my years is nothing before you  
  
Each man's life is but a breath.'  
  
Psalm 39:4-6  
  
**********  
  
The sky was a deep red colour when SG-1 and SG-2 fled from the encroaching warships. SG-1 ran to the left, SG-2 to the right. An acrid black smoke was descending down upon them, mixed with gunpowder and the coppery smell of blood.  
  
Each breath drawn almost choked them, but they forced their tired bodies to keep running at all costs. Muscles began to sting from oxygen starvation, eyes began to water and feet began to ache.  
  
"FALL BACK!"  
  
Kawalsky yelled at his men to keep running - they were in the midst of a battle zone.   
  
"Major Kawalsky!" Daniel's voice crackled on the radio.   
  
"Dr JACKSON?" Charlie shouted above the gunfire.  
  
"Major Kawalsky, we need SG-2's backup!"  
  
"WHAT'S YOUR SITUATION?" He shouted, aiming his M-16 at the approaching Tel'tak and firing with all of his might.  
  
"We have two men down, I repeat, two men down!"  
  
Kawalsky's blood ran cold.   
  
"WE'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU!"  
  
His legs felt numb as he continued to run from the approaching ships, bearing down on them like massive black monsters.  
  
"SG-1 NEEDS OUR HELP!" he shouted.   
  
"We got it!" Feretti shouted, signalling to the rest of the men. They darted into the cover of a nearby cave, and stood there in the darkness, drawing baited breath.   
  
"Does anyone else think that that was just a bit too easy?" Feretti asked.   
  
As if in answer, they heard a loud boom from behind them and the cave erupted into flames. They ran from their shelter and found themselves racing against a river of fire.   
  
"DR JACKSON, WHERE ARE YOU?" Kawalsky yelled.   
  
"We're about 10 clicks Northwest of Apophis' base."   
  
"WE'RE UNDER HEAVY FIRE, JACKSON, WE'D APPRECIATE ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE US."  
  
"I'll see what I can do," Daniel replied.  
  
**********  
  
Daniel looked across the cave at Teal'c.   
  
"SG-2 are under heavy fire from the Tel'tak ," he said breathlessly.  
  
"I will see what I can do, Daniel Jackson. They are not normally armed quite so heavily."  
  
"Thanks, Teal'c. I'd cover you, but I think..."  
  
"You must grasp the castle here, Daniel Jackson."  
  
Daniel frowned, and then a small smile spread over his cracked lips.  
  
"Hold the fort, Teal'c. Hold the fort."  
  
"Indeed," he replied, and left the entrance of the cave, staff weapon in hand.   
  
Daniel looked over into the corner of the cave where his two wounded friends laid silently, not moving. He crouched down beside Jack and pressed a finger to his neck, relieved to feel a pulse. He moved over to Sam, taking her wrist in his hand and pressing gently, searching for a sign of her life. He also felt a pulse, though it was so faint that it would have been possible to miss it.   
  
"C'mon guys," he said, wincing as his own injuries started to make their presence felt.   
  
He had a large graze above his right eye, which was stinging like a carpet burn and had a thin, sticky layer of blood over the top of it. It burned as he gingerly touched a fingertip to it, so he drew back quickly with a sharp intake of his breath.   
  
His throat still stung from the acrid smoke that had descended upon them; his eyes smarted from the gunpowder that had hung in the air from their weapons. His hands were raw and bleeding from falling down, ripping at the skin as he dragged himself up over thorns and roots.   
  
But most of all, his mind was filled with the sounds of Jack taking a hit and falling to the ground, his body twisting in agony as he lost consciousness.  
  
He could hear Sam's choked breaths from behind him, her cry of pain and the sudden smell of coppery blood that swam over him as she fell to the ground.   
  
He shook his head, as if trying to dislodge the memories, and tried to remain focussed - Sam and Jack needed him to remain focussed. He licked his lips and grimaced at the salty taste, running a hand gently through Sam's hair.   
  
"C'mon, guys," he whispered, "Stay with me."  
  
**********  
  
Kawalsky and his men made a final dash for the cover of the cave that their friends had hidden in and sat down, their weapons laying discarded on the floor as they made sure that they were okay.   
  
Kawalsky looked over at Jack, who had taken a staff blast to his shoulder, and had broken his ankle. He was just regaining consciousness, and was doing so very noisily.   
  
"Hey, Jack!" said Charlie, waving as Jack opened his eyes.   
  
"What happened?" he asked, trying to touch his shoulder. Daniel kept hold of his arm.   
  
"You don't want to do that, Jack - trust me on this."  
  
Jack reluctantly let his arm fall away and he looked back at Charlie.  
  
"Casualties?" he croaked, trying to sit up and putting too much pressure on his wounded ankle.   
  
"Agh!"  
  
"Just your fat ass, mate," Charlie lied.   
  
"Good. Oh, God." Jack was in a lot of pain.   
  
"Just go back to sleep, Dorothy!" said Charlie, reaching for a syringe to inject him with some painkillers.   
  
"Okay," Jack said, cautiously lying back and closing his eyes.  
  
He was unconscious again before Kawalsky had put the needle anywhere near him.   
  
"Sleep well," he said, covering his friend with another jacket and turning to Sam.   
  
She'd taken a hit on her left side, which had finally stopped bleeding profusely and was now pretty controllable. Fortunately, it hadn't gone very deep, and the intense heat from the staff weapon had cauterised most of the main blood vessels. It was still red and angry, and Sam was still unconscious.  
  
"Hey, Sam," said Kawalsky, stroking the side of her face, trying to wake her.  
  
"Ya know, Jack's gonna have your balls for not telling him," Feretti said, shrugging out of his jacket and trying to make a pillow out of it.   
  
"Thanks, Feretti, you're really improving my mood."  
  
"No problem, sir."  
  
**********  
  
Later that night, the attacks thinned down, and they were finally able to get some sleep. Kawalsky took the first watch, Feretti the second and his other men the third and last.   
  
His watch had practically melted to his arm in the firefight, the display unreadable. He tried to pull the plastic off of his arm but failed, hissing in pain as it tried to take his skin with it.   
  
"Damn, and I liked that watch," he muttered.   
  
The cave was dark, no wider than Sam's lab. It was, however, tall and able to hide them from the attacks, totally invisible from the surface - Daniel had done a good job of finding it.   
  
Its surface was sharp and pointed, with small droplets of moisture running from the tips of the spikes. It would have been pitch black but for their small fire.   
  
He sighed deeply and looked over at Jack again. He was hurt badly, and Charlie never liked it when Jack was weak. Jack was always there when he was in trouble, when he was in need of strength - but Jack was never tired, he was never hurt and he was never upset. He was just Jack, happy, sarcastic and strong. Seeing him lying there, so pale and tired, Charlie was terrified.   
  
He pulled his small notebook out of his bag and began to write, as he had nothing better to do.  
  
  
  
**********  
  
Dear diary,  
  
Sorry I haven't written in so long, but there was just the small problem of a Goa'uld getting stuck in my head for a few days. Thankfully, no word from family since dreaded dinner party incident at Christmas.   
  
He cast his mind back to that Christmas Day he'd spent with them, after Nate and Elena had been married for a year.  
  
**********  
  
He woke up with a start at 9am. He had to be at his mother's house by 11am, so he only had two hours to get himself organised.   
  
He stumbled into the shower and turned the water up on full, letting the heat bite into his skin, waking him up even more. He got out of the shower and padded into his bedroom, trying to find something that his mother would deem suitable.   
  
By 10am his outfit was sorted out, and he just had time to sit down with his small pile of presents. He opened each one slowly, savouring it.   
  
From Jack, he had a 'Wizard of Oz' video with added special features. That had made him chuckle for a long time, and he made a mental note to watch it the minute he got back.  
  
From Sam, he had a gift voucher for a test-drive in a Ferarri. He made a mental note to kiss her later.  
  
From Daniel, he had a coffee mug with free marshmallows. That made him smile, too. Daniel was obviously trying to rub his coffee addiction off on Kawalsky, as well as Sam.  
  
From Teal'c, he had a set of meditation candles, because the jaffa believed that he needed to relax.   
  
No presents from his mother or from Nate, and certainly not one from Elena.  
  
He opened another card that was from Jack. It read:  
  
Good luck with mom, brother and bitch. Call Carter or me if you need backup.  
  
Jack  
  
He smiled, and tucked the note into his breast pocket. He would need it as a constant reminder not to kill himself.  
  
**********  
  
He pulled up outside of the house and sighed, deeply.   
  
"It's just dinner," he told the glovebox, "And you can call Sam and Jack when you inevitably need help."  
  
Then, he got out of the car and walked towards his doom...  
  
His mother, wearing a bright red dress that was far too small for her, opened the door and embraced him in a choking hug.   
  
"Charlie," she smiled, "Come on in!"  
  
Charlie walked past his mother and into the main room, where his brother sat with his precocious wife, who was also wearing a dress that was too small for her.   
  
"Charlie, mate!" Nathan grinned, walking over to Charlie and slapping him hard on the back in what was meant to be a cheerful greeting but nearly ended up as a helmlich manoeuvre.   
  
"Nate, good to see you," he smiled, deciding that it really wasn't worth it trying to talk to Elena.   
  
"Come and sit down, please!" Nate was grinning from ear to ear, and Charlie almost felt ill. "Mom's getting lunch for 12, so we've only got an hour to talk!"  
  
More like you've only got an hour to talk about yourself, Charlie thought.   
  
He was right. Nathan talked solidly for an hour about how wonderful things had been for him in the months that they had been parted, even interrupting his own wife on several occasions.  
  
Charlie could hardly wait for the time his mother announced that dinner was ready.  
  
"So, Charlie, mate," Nate said, through a mouthful of Brussels sprouts, "How's life been treating you?"  
  
"Well, I almost died last year," Charlie said calmly, taking another mouthful of turkey.   
  
The table was silent.   
  
"But of course none of you even bother to ring me anymore, so I couldn't tell you earlier."  
  
Elena flicked back her hair and picked at a piece of turkey with her fork.   
  
"Serves you right for going out and killing people," she said, picking up a pea and eating it slowly.   
  
"You okay, mate?" Nathan asked, suddenly appearing concerned.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's the job!" he joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.   
  
The rest of their meal was eaten in painful silence, broken only when Nathan started talking about his wonderful life again. Charlie sighed inwardly - things had been very awkward there, but they had deserved it.   
  
After dinner, they sat down to listen to Nathan talking more about his wonderful job, wife, patients, blah, blah, blah...Charlie had to fight very hard to stop himself from falling asleep.   
  
Suddenly, his cellphone went off, disturbing Nathan's speech.   
  
"Sorry," he said, standing up and walking away from them.   
  
"Kawalsky," he replied.   
  
"Hey, Charlie!" a familiar voice said, "It's Jack!"  
  
"I'd never have guessed that," Charlie grinned.  
  
"Shut up. How's it going with your family?"  
  
"Uh..." Charlie paused, well aware that his brother, mother and sister-in-law were listening to him.   
  
"Oh, I get it - they're listening to you right now?"  
  
"Yeah," he replied.   
  
"Did you get the video? I thought maybe you'd like it!"  
  
"It's great, Jack, thanks," said Charlie, grinning again. His grin got even wider as he heard a second female voice in the background, then muffled giggling.   
  
"Jack, is that Sam there with you?" he asked, sitting down and completely ignoring his family, who were still engrossed in his conversation.  
  
"I...uh...well..."  
  
"You old dog!" Charlie chuckled, hearing a snort of disgust from Lena.   
  
"You say anything and I'll kick your ass, Charlie. We had dinner together because we're both alone, okay?"  
  
"Ah, and now you're having dessert," Charlie quipped, greatly enjoying the sound of Jack squirming on the other end of the line.   
  
"Charlie, shut it!"  
  
"Sam?" he asked, "Merry Christmas!"  
  
"Merry Christmas to you too, Charlie - how's it going with your mum?"  
  
"Oh, it's been worse. It's also been a hell of a lot better."  
  
"Do you need some backup?"  
  
"The hell do I need it!" Charlie said, watching Elena flinch from her chair, as if he'd said the f-word.  
  
"Well, we'd come and bail you out..."  
  
"But you're otherwise engaged," Charlie grinned.  
  
"Godammit, Charlie, I swear to god that Sam is here washing up dishes right now, nothing more!"  
  
"You're making her wash up? Jack, I'm ashamed of you."  
  
"She offered, Charlie - now, do you want your ass bailed out or not?"  
  
"I'm okay at the moment," he said.  
  
"But if you really get into trouble," Jack said, "Call me."  
  
"I will, Jack. Merry Christmas. Enjoy yourself - you're never too old."  
  
"Charlie..." Jack growled.  
  
He turned his phone off before Jack could threaten him with anything else.  
  
**********  
  
"Who was that?" Charlie's mother asked.  
  
"Oh, just some friends from work," he said.  
  
"Oh, well, it must have been nice to hear from them," she smiled, "They work with you?"  
  
"Well, I...I actually got command of my own team..."  
  
"Go Charlie!" Nate smiled, giving him a high-five that nearly broke his wrist.  
  
"They're on a different team, but we often work together."  
  
"That's nice," said Elena, clearly not interested.  
  
Charlie's temper finally snapped. "Why don't you wear a banner on your head saying 'Charlie, I hate you'?" he asked, "It'd be less obvious."  
  
"Charlie! That is no way to talk to Elena!"  
  
"Yeah, Charlie mate, I'm ashamed of you."  
  
"That's no way to talk to a lady," Elena replied, examining her fingernails.  
  
"I 'ain't talking to one," he said, getting up out of his chair as Elena gasped in shock. "I think I should leave," he said, walking out of the room and shutting the front door behind him.  
  
**********  
  
That look on her face was worth being expelled from my family for. Oh, I finally got her! Anyway, after I escaped from purgatory (my mother's house) I decided to pay a visit to the local bar, leaving Sam and Jack in peace to get on with their 'washing up.'  
  
**********  
  
Sam washed soapy bubbles over the next plate, not noticing that she'd splashed some of it on her cheek. She carried on washing as Jack entered the kitchen and started laughing.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"You've got bubbles on your cheek," he said, watching as she turned a little pink and tried to rub the bubbles off of her face, missing.   
  
"C'mere," Jack smiled, picking up a dishcloth and gently wiping them off of her face.   
  
They were standing very close together now, so close that he could feel her breath on his chest. Their eyes met, and for a small second the tension flared between them.   
  
Jack gently took her chin in his hand and tipped her head up a little. Then, his lips touched hers.  
  
She returned it, momentarily lost in his arms.  
  
He dropped the dishcloth on the floor and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.   
  
Eventually they had to stop for breath, and pulled away from each other, a little embarrassed.  
  
"I...uh..."  
  
"We..."  
  
"I just have to..."  
  
"Jack," she said, looking at him tenderly, "I...I'm not going to tell you that I didn't enjoy that, because I did - a lot, but...but...we can't."  
  
"I know," he whispered sadly.  
  
**********  
  
I went into the bar and got talking to this girl - her name was Anna, I think, but I'd had three bacardi's by then, so I could have been mistaken. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up wearing a fourth one.   
  
I look over at Sam and Jack now, and part of me envies them. They look so good together, they fit together like pieces of a puzzle and they love each other, but they're just not allowed to be. Damn the regs, it makes me mad to see them so close, but yet so far away from each other.   
  
I hope they're dreaming about each other. They need all the strength they can get right now. I've no idea how I'm going to get them back to the SGC.  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
He put his notebook back in his bag and looked around the cavern at his friends.   
  
Feretti was snoring loudly, so he leant over and gave him a poke in the back.  
  
That shut him up, Charlie thought with a smile. He was just about to have a drink when he felt a cool hand on his arm, and turned around to see Leila.  
  
"Leila!" he whispered, "I'm so glad you're here."  
  
"Charlie," she smiled, "I felt your distress and I had to come here. What's wrong?"  
  
Charlie nodded over to Sam and Jack, who were still sleeping.  
  
"My best friends," he said softly, "They're hurt bad. I think they're..." his voice trailed off.  
  
"Maybe it is better for them," Leila replied.  
  
"Better?" Charlie said, his despair turning to grief. "Better? How can it be better if they die?"  
  
"Everything happens for a reason, Charlie," she said, casting her bright blue eyes over Jack's sleeping form.  
  
"I won't let them die!" he said determinedly, "I won't."  
  
"You cannot change what is meant to be."  
  
"Leila! Please! Can you help them? Please, I'll do anything!"  
  
She shook her head.   
  
"You know that I cannot, Charlie."  
  
"Dammit! Why?" he asked, "Why won't you help them?"  
  
"It is against our highest laws," she explained.  
  
"But - what is the point of giving you so much power if you won't use it?"   
  
Charlie asked in desperation.  
  
"I cannot help them, Charlie."  
  
"Dammit!" he said in a harsh whisper, "They're dying!"  
  
At that point, Feretti grunted and rolled over onto his back, which started his snoring again. With a sigh, Kawalsky leant over and poked him in the back again, but by the time he sat up again Leila had gone.  
  
**********  
  
Charlie's eyes were closing when he heard another muffled noise. Thinking that it was Feretti again, he leant over and poked him in the back, but this time he woke him up.  
  
"Ow - Charlie, what are you doing?"  
  
"Sorry - I thought you were snoring again."  
  
"I don't snore," Feretti protested.  
  
"The hell you don't," Kawalsky said, listening for the sound again. It came again, and he realised that it was coming from Sam's direction.   
  
Carefully making his way over to her, he tripped over Daniel's butt and fell on the floor beside her.   
  
"Hey, Carter," he said.  
  
"Charlie..."  
  
"Yeah, it's me. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Bad," she managed, swallowing deeply.  
  
"You got hit in your side," Charlie explained, "But you're gonna be fine."  
  
"What about the Colonel?" she asked, trying to sit up but finding it impossible.  
  
"He's fine," Charlie said.  
  
She looked up at him with a small smile. "Liar," she whispered, and coughed.   
  
"Here," said Feretti, offering her some water.  
  
"Go back to sleep," Charlie said, "Everything's gonna be fine, Sam."  
  
"Yes, sir," she said, obediently closing her eyes and going back to sleep.  
  
Feretti looked at his watch and tried to stop himself from sneezing.  
  
"It's my watch," he said, "Get some sleep - you look like crap."  
  
**********  
  
Kawalsky woke up the next morning to sunlight pouring in through the mouth of the cavern. He struggled to sit up and wiped the fatigue from his eyes.   
  
Feretti was asleep, still snoring like a steam train.  
  
"I don't snore, my arse," Charlie mumbled, getting up and going over to Jack and Sam.   
  
Jack woke up and looked at Charlie.   
  
"Morning, Dorothy!" Charlie smiled.  
  
"Are we at the end of the rainbow yet?" Jack questioned, shifting his weight about so that he could sit up.  
  
"Not yet," Charlie said, pouring Jack some water. "Here - drink."  
  
Jack obediently drank from the bottle but nearly choked as his eyes fell on Sam's sleeping form.  
  
"Wha-"  
  
"Ah - stay there," Charlie ordered, practically holding Jack down.   
  
"You told me she was okay," Jack said, "You told me she was fine!"  
  
"Jack, I didn't want to stress you out - you were and still are in pretty rough shape!"  
  
"So is she!"  
  
"Listen to me, Jack. She woke up in the early hours of the morning. I spoke to her - she still has her sense of humour and she could tell that I was lying when I said you were fine, so I don't think we're desperate yet. She's just in shock, it'll take her a while to come round - and so are you, so relax!"  
  
"Yes, ma'am," Jack said feebly, still casting anxious looks over at Sam.   
  
"The attack seems to have ended, but we're going out to check in a minute. We'll leave Daniel here with you."  
  
"Be careful, Charlie," Jack said, "And thank you."  
  
"For what?" he asked, going over to his gun and checking that it was loaded.  
  
"For looking after my ass."  
  
**********  
  
A few moments later, SG-2 and Teal'c left the sanctuary of the cavern, still fully armed. Daniel and Jack were talking for a few moments when Sam began to stir.   
  
Daniel was torn between helping Sam and preventing Jack from doing himself any more damage.   
  
"Jack," he warned.  
  
"Hey, Sam!" Daniel smiled, "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Like I got my side blown out by a staff weapon," she smiled weakly, turning her head to look at Jack.  
  
"Major," he said, "Glad you've still got a sense of humour."  
  
"Yes, sir. It's good to see you too."  
  
Sam shifted her body so that she was closer to Jack.  
  
"Sorry," she said, "It's just a bit lonely over there."  
  
"Be my guest, Major," he said, his concern deepening as he saw her wince in pain as she laid back against the wall.  
  
"SG-2 and Teal'c might not be back for a while," Daniel said, pouring some water for Sam, "So I'm afraid you're stuck with Doctor Daniel."  
  
"Dontcha mean Nurse Danielle?" Jack asked.   
  
"If your ass wasn't already so kicked I would kick it," Daniel said, handing the cup of water to Sam, who was trying not to giggle.  
  
"Don't...make...me ...laugh," she said, clutching her side, "It hurts!"  
  
"Sorry," said Daniel, "C'mon, drink this."  
  
"Daniel, when did you last get some sleep?" Jack asked.  
  
"Hmm...I think that would be last Easter," he smiled, then stopped for fear of making Sam laugh.  
  
"Go," Jack said, "Get some sleep."  
  
"No way, Kawalsky left me in charge of you two whilst they're gone."  
  
"What'dya think we're gonna do?" Jack asked dryly, "Get up and run?"  
  
**********  
  
Dear diary,  
  
The battle seems to have ended, and we've found another cavern to rest in. We're just trying to collect rations and general Intel to take back to Sam and Jack.   
  
We're still 12 clicks from the gate, though, and I don't know if they'll be able to make it that far. Still, at least they were both awake this morning. That's a start. Now all we need is for Thor to come along, or for Leila to get down off of her damned pedestal and help us!  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
After a lot of persuasion from Jack, Daniel finally fell asleep. Jack looked across at Sam with a small smile.  
  
"It's like Antarctica all over again, just without the ice!" he grinned.  
  
Sam kept her hand held to her side. "I told you not to make me laugh," she moaned.  
  
"Sorry," Jack said, "C'mere."  
  
She edged slowly closer to him, unable to stop her cry of pain as her side protested.  
  
"Easy," Jack said softly, gently pulling her the rest of the way, avoiding his ankle.  
  
"Thank you, sir," she said.  
  
"Sam, we're on a planet a million miles from home, we're near death, and we only have a sleeping Daniel for company. D'ya think you could call me Jack?"  
  
"Sorry," he smiled, laying her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes, "Thank you, Jack."  
  
He smiled as he felt her go to sleep on his shoulder (not the wounded one, of course) and gently took his arm out from underneath her so that she was resting on his chest. Then, he wrapped his arm around her.   
  
Looking over at Daniel to check that he was still asleep, Jack bent down and kissed Sam on the top of her head. Then, he laid his cheek there and closed his eyes, trying to get a bit of shut-eye.  
  
When he woke up he saw that Daniel was also awake, and grinning at him.  
  
"That's why you wanted me to go to sleep," he smiled.  
  
"Shut up, Daniel. I don't want to wake her up," he said. "Anything from SG-2?"  
  
"Nothing yet. I don't suppose they'll be back until nightfall."  
  
Jack grunted in confusion. "How long have I been asleep?"  
  
"All of about ten minutes, I think. How's your ankle?"  
  
"It hurts like a bitch," Jack smiled weakly.  
  
"Do you want me to try and splint it?" Daniel asked. "No, wait - I will try and splint it - no arguments."  
  
"Yes, Daniel," Jack said, wondering if he would hurt him more than Carter had done.  
  
**********  
  
Three agonising hours later, Daniel had splinted Jack's ankle to the best of his ability, and was watching the two of them sleeping together.  
  
Daniel smiled as he watched them. They looked so peaceful, even though they were both in pain. At that point his radio crackled into life.  
  
"Dr Jackson?"  
  
"Here," he answered.  
  
"We've collected all the Intel we need, and we should be back at base camp at 1800 hours - that's three hours from now."  
  
"Thank you," Daniel replied.  
  
"How are the patients?" Kawalsky asked.  
  
Daniel looked over at Jack and Sam. "They're doing just fine, Charlie."  
  
**********  
  
At 1800 hours SG-2, accompanied by Teal'c, made their way back into the cavern.  
  
"Hey, cripple!" Charlie grinned, sitting beside Jack.  
  
"So nice to see you again," Jack said sarcastically.  
  
"I know you love me really," Charlie smiled. "How're you doing?"  
  
"Daniel splinted my ankle and the shoulder's just being a bitch, but apart from that I'm fine."  
  
"What about Sam?" he asked.  
  
Jack's face fell. "I'm not sure...I think she's getting worse."  
  
Kawalsky went to Sam's side and gently put his fingers to her neck.  
  
"Her pulse is a little weaker," he said, "But that could be because she hasn't eaten anything."  
  
"Charlie - she's got a hole in her side! Would you feel like eating anything?"  
  
"No, that's a point, Jack. Are you hungry? I'll make you both something just in case."  
  
Feretti sat down with the rest of SG-2.  
  
"We've managed to collect supplies, and we've assertained that the attack has ended - Apophis must think that we're dead. We're not sure what to do from here."  
  
Teal'c looked at Kawalsky. "Should we make our way back to the Stargate to get reinforcements?"  
  
Kawalsky looked at his 2IC, Feretti. "What do you think? Could you make it?"  
  
"Well, light doesn't end here until 2200 hours, sir, so if we left soon, we'd be near the gate by the time darkness fell."  
  
Kawalsky frowned. "I'd be happier if we waited until tomorrow morning."  
  
Jack looked over at him. "Charlie! I'm not sure if we can wait until tomorrow morning."  
  
"We're happy to do it, sir," Feretti replied.  
  
Kawalsky sighed and looked over at Jack.  
  
"Trust me, Charlie, I've been doing this for longer than you - get back to base."  
  
"Alright - but take Daniel and Teal'c with you. I'll stay here until you get backup."  
  
"Kawalsky, dammit - go with them! We'll be fine!"  
  
"Jack, I am not going to leave the two of you here on your own, is that clear?"  
  
Feretti sneezed, breaking the tension.   
  
"As soon as we've eaten, sir, we'll be off."  
  
**********  
  
"Godspeed, Major," Kawalsky said, saluting his 2IC. "Bring us America's finest."  
  
"Will do, Charlie, will do."  
  
Kawalsky watched his men until they were out of sight, before returning to the cavern.   
  
"How are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"Okay, Charlie. How are you doing?"  
  
"Yeah, so-so."  
  
"You made the right decision, Charlie. Besides, if anything does go wrong - which it won't - you can blame me."  
  
"Thanks, Jack. You really know how to reassure me."  
  
"No problem, Charlie."  
  
Jack looked down at Sam, who was still sleeping soundly.   
  
"She's so beautiful," he said softly.  
  
Charlie smiled. "She is."  
  
Jack blushed for a moment, but Charlie soon reassured him.  
  
"Jack, I'm not gonna say nothing to nobody. I'm all in favour of the regs being scrapped."  
  
Jack gently stroked a finger through Sam's hair, watching the rise and fall of her chest.  
  
"You remember when I called you on Christmas day?" Jack asked.  
  
Charlie grinned. "Yeah."  
  
"We weren't...well...you know."  
  
Charlie nodded.  
  
"I mean...we kissed..but....we both agreed that we couldn't go any further."  
  
Charlie smiled sadly. "You'd make a wonderful couple."  
  
"We will," Jack said, "One day. Just not yet. That is, if she doesn't..."  
  
"Jack, look at me," Charlie said. "We're all gonna get out of here, trust me.   
  
I'm not gonna let you die, no way! Either of you."  
  
"You should get some sleep," Jack said, "You look like crap."  
  
Charlie snorted. "So do you."  
  
**********  
  
Later that night, when Sam and Jack were sleeping, Charlie wrote in his diary again.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
So. They actually did it. At least they're being honest with each other now. All I want is for them to be happy together, but things don't look too good for them at the moment. Sam's getting worse, and Jack's not all that far behind her. I hope my men have got back to the SGC in time - they don't have much left.  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
He put his book away and turned around to see Leila.  
  
"Hey," he said.  
  
"Their condition is grave," she said, looking over at Sam and Jack.  
  
"Yeah, it is," Charlie said, not wanting to talk about it.  
  
"Charlie, if I could help, I would!"  
  
"Why is it that you can put a snake in my head, but you can't save my two friends?" he asked angrily.  
  
"I had nothing to do with the symbiote," she said, "I told you. I merely showed you the value of your life."  
  
"And look!" he said, "It's about to be taken away from me again!"  
  
"They are but two people, Charlie. And as I said, everything happens for a reason."  
  
"But, they're not just two people, Leila. They're my best friends, and they're in love. And because of this - if they die - they'll never get to show how much they care about each other. They...they'll just die."  
  
"I can do nothing to stop it, Charlie," she said sorrowfully.  
  
"What do you use your powers for, then?" he asked, anger radiating through him.  
  
"Charlie, I once tried to use my powers to heal a dying Tau'ri, but the moment I began, Oma Desala stopped me. She would not allow me to continue, because it was in breach of our laws. Even if I wanted to help them, even if I tried - I would not be able to continue."  
  
Charlie sighed.   
  
"I am sorry," she whispered, and disappeared.  
  
Charlie looked back over at Sam and Jack, and felt his eyelids beginning to droop. Fighting to keep them open, he failed, and fell asleep against the rock.   
  
Gentle hands covered him with a blanket and placed a kiss on his lips, before going over to the other two sleeping forms.  
  
She looked at the woman and the man together, and felt a pain in her chest. She shouldn't even have been considering this. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Then, she touched the woman with one hand, and the man with the other. A bright white light radiated around the room, and she cried out silently in pain. Then, in a flash, she was gone.  
  
**********  
  
Sam and Jack opened their eyes instantly. Sam struggled to lift herself up, so Jack helped her.  
  
"Did you see anything?" she asked, looking up at him.  
  
"No," he said, gently putting his arm around her. His hand grazed her side, and came away sticky with blood.  
  
She smiled weakly. "I know you're...gonna kick my butt for saying this...but...it was an honor, Colonel."  
  
"Don't you dare!" Jack whispered softly, terror filling him. "You said that to me once before, remember."  
  
She looked at him desperately, feeling the last of her energy being sucked from her.  
  
He lowered his head and his lips brushed against hers. She moved her arms up to hold him closer as their kiss deepened, lost, shutting out everything but each other.  
  
Eventually they pulled away from each other.  
  
"I love you," Sam whispered.  
  
"I love you too," he replied, holding her tightly as her eyes closed.  
  
**********  
  
"What you have done is in violation of our highest laws. You will have to be punished."  
  
"If you will let me explain my reasons..."  
  
"You will explain in time, Leila. All in good time."  
  
**********  
  
'Show me, O Lord, my life's end  
  
and the number of my days;  
  
let me know how fleeting is my life.  
  
You have made my days a mere handbreadth  
  
The span of my years is nothing before you  
  
Each man's life is but a breath.'  
  
Psalm 39:4-6  
  
**********  
  
Continued in 'Each Man's Life Part 4: Blood and Water.'  
  
PLEASE R&R! What did you think? 


	4. Each Man's Life Part 4: Blood and Water

Title: Each Man's Life Part 4: Blood and Water  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Children of the Gods, The Enemy Within, In the Line of Duty, Point of View, and Foothold  
  
Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, Paradise Lost, Fanfiction.net, SJD yes, Jackfic  
  
Details: The story of Charles Kawalsky's life, beginning before 101 Children of the Gods.   
  
Response to Heliopolis Challenge #654   
  
It's simple, I want a Kawalsky story, or at least with him in it and that he doesn't die, if ya get him involved with someone EVEN better:). And please NO humour. E-mail me, please, if yer gonna write it.  
  
Response to Heliopolis challenge #1,360  
  
Story with a Bible quote in the beginning. And let it make some sense after reading the story.  
  
Summary: Nathaniel and Elena Kawalsky have been married for three years when Charlie discovers that she has been having an affair. Also, Leila finds herself on trial after breaking one of the Ascended beings' highest laws.  
  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  
  
~ Each Man's Life Part 4: Blood and Water ~  
  
Copyright (c) 2003 Ruth  
  
**********  
  
IMPORTANT: My email address has changed samcarterusaf@yahoo.co.uk is NO LONGER ACTIVE. My new address is jm-webmistress@fsmail.net Please update your address books accordingly. Thank you.  
  
**********  
  
'Show me, O Lord, my life's end  
  
and the number of my days;  
  
let me know how fleeting is my life.  
  
You have made my days a mere handbreadth  
  
The span of my years is nothing before you  
  
Each man's life is but a breath.'  
  
Psalm 39:4-6  
  
**********  
  
Dear diary,  
  
Nate and Elena's third wedding anniversary today - what am I going to get them for a present? Hell, do they even deserve one? I never even get a Christmas present, for God's sake, and they're expecting me to buy them one? Aagh!  
  
I remember their wedding like it was yesterday - thankfully it wasn't.  
  
**********  
  
"I can't believe I'm finally doing this!" Nate gushed, as Charlie attempted to straighten his tie.  
  
"Neither can I," Charlie replied, trying to hide his sarcasm. Fortunately, Nate didn't notice.  
  
"She's so beautiful, and she really loves me!" Nathan continued.  
  
"Hm," Charlie said, pulling his brother's suit straighter. "When's the best man getting here?"  
  
"He should be here any moment," Nathan replied, "Listen, Charlie. I hope you don't take offence that I didn't choose you..."  
  
"None taken, mate," Charlie replied, observing himself with disdain in the mirror. He was trussed up like a turkey, and really had more important places to be.  
  
"His name's Brad - I think you'll really like him," Nathan said.  
  
"What does he do?" Charlie asked.  
  
"Oh, he's a surgeon. I get to work with him a lot," Nate replied.  
  
Great, Charlie thought, another boffin who's going to think that I'm a retard!  
  
"Did you invite anybody?" Nathan asked curiously, studying his brother with a keen eye.  
  
Charlie suddenly thought of Jack sitting in the middle of the aisle, booing loudly as Elena walked down it. He smirked.  
  
"No," he said, "I don't think your fiancée would approve of my common friends."  
  
Nathan glared at him. "What is your problem with her?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing, nothing," Charlie said, turning away. She's just an arrogant, precocious bitch who looks down her nose at everybody.  
  
**********  
  
The service was average - I must admit that I almost fell asleep at several points, and I had to mouth the hymns because my voice is so terrible, but after ninety minutes the ordeal was over and I could escape into the sunlight outside of the church.  
  
The reception went on for about five hours - I tried to be nice, tried to hook up with someone, but as you know I'm not so good with women, so I ended up going home, pissed and alone, and not for the first time.  
  
So, three years on - and what have I achieved compared to my wonderful brother?  
  
Well. I've almost been killed, twice, I've dealt with Sam becoming infested with a symbiote like myself, an alternate reality version of myself coming through the gate, a foothold situation and more! It's a great shame I can't tell my stupid family all of this, because then they'd know that I have achieved lots.   
  
But no, I just say that work is fine, and that no, I don't have a girlfriend or 'significant other.'   
  
Nathaniel, however, is like wonderboy. He's been promoted, is now earning a disgusting amount of money per month, keeps buying Elena really expensive things, and is hopeful to start a family in the near future.  
  
She and he can do no wrong. That's my job, apparently. Ah, family life!  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
"You have broken one of our highest laws, Leila. They are in place for a reason!"  
  
"I understand that."  
  
"Then why did you break it? The two Tau'ri you assisted would have chosen their own paths, be it life or death, but you interfered. Why?"  
  
"They were too young to face the path of death," Leila replied, "They are good people, and deserve to live long lives."  
  
"If it is their destiny to die, Leila, then it will happen. You have averted it once, but you may not be able to do so again. What are the lives of two Tau'ri worth in the greater scheme of life?"  
  
"The Tau'ri believe that every life is sacred," Leila argued, "And I happen to agree with them."  
  
"Leila, we believe that every life is sacred - and every soul must be allowed to chose their own path!"  
  
"They were dying!" Leila said, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't just sit there and watch."  
  
"It is not our job to save lives," Oma continued, "I can understand why you did it, Leila, but it was wrong."  
  
"You don't understand," she said.  
  
"You have become close to the Tau'ri warrior Charles Kawalsky," Oma said.  
  
Leila swallowed nervously.  
  
  
  
**********  
  
Charlie looked at his watch. It read 22:00. He opened the car door, got out, and then shut it behind him, cursing as the aged vehicle groaned under the force of the slam.  
  
"Piece of crap," he mumbled, walking into the bar.  
  
**********  
  
I don't have a drink problem. Really, I don't. I'm never in the bar long enough to have a drink problem - I always leave because of work or some family commitment - not that any of them give a damn.  
  
No. I'm no alcoholic. I'm just like every other ordinary man or woman - I take solace in drink.  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
He went in and gave the barman his usual smile, the wave of acknowledgement.   
  
Then, he went and sat down at his table in the corner, watching the world go by.  
  
He could hear the men in the booth opposite him talking about soccer. Boring load of bastards, he thought. Got nothing better to do than sit around all day whilst I'm saving the planet...  
  
He took a long gulp of his drink and looked around him again. That was when he heard something. A voice. A voice that he knew well.  
  
Or, more accurately, a laugh.  
  
A highly irritating and musical laugh, that drifted towards him like cigarette smoke in the air.  
  
Elena.  
  
What the hell was Elena doing in a grubby downtown bar? And who was she with? It certainly wasn't Nathaniel...  
  
He sneaked a peek around the corner of the booth, and his eyes nearly fell out of his head.  
  
It was definitely Elena, and she was sitting with a tall, ginger-haired bloke with a nose ring and green eyes. She wasn't just sitting with him, oh no.  
  
His left arm was around her waist, and his right was doing something that Charlie really didn't want to think about. She giggled, and whispered something in his ear. As he looked at her hand, Charlie realised that her wedding ring was gone.  
  
The bitch. Of all the spiteful...She was cheating on Nathan! They'd only been married for three years!  
  
**********  
  
I still can't quite believe what I saw tonight. Man, I was so shocked - I just got up and left my drink standing there on the table. I never leave a drink standing on a table. As I left, I turned back around to make sure I wasn't having a drunken hallucination (which would be quite an achievement, as I only had half a pint of larger) and she looked straight at me. With that smile almost like a snarl, her eyes glinted as they locked with mine. She smirked, and kissed the man beside her. With that, I turned and left.   
  
What a bitch. I have to tell Nathan - but - oh, hell! Why is it always me who gets involved in these things? AGH!  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
"I know of him," Leila replied calmly.  
  
"You have visited him many times," Oma said, "You know more than 'of him', Leila."  
  
"He was near death," Leila said, "I offered him what little comfort I could give."  
  
"It is not your job, Leila. We have no right to affect their lives. Unless there is something...deeper, that you wish to confess to."  
  
Leila blushed. "No. No, of course not."  
  
Oma smiled. "We have no problem with love, Leila. But you must understand that what you did was against our laws - and you will be punished."  
  
"Yes, I understand," Leila said.  
  
"Now. Why don't you take us through what's been going on," Oma said, "From the beginning."  
  
"Well...It all started when he was ill for the first time - I saw him lying on the floor - I thought he was dead, but then he moved."  
  
**********  
  
Charlie got home and pulled off his jacket, reaching for the telephone. He was halfway through dialling the number when he stopped, and replaced the phone. It wasn't fair to tell him like this - he had to do it in person.  
  
He got up, and was about to put his coat back on when the telephone rang.  
  
"Kawalsky," he answered, picking at a hole in his couch.  
  
"Hey, Charlie!" Jack's cheery voice answered.  
  
"Hey, Jack!" Charlie said, brightening a little, "How's the leg?"  
  
"Ah, it's been better - but it's been worse," his friend replied.  
  
"How's Sam?" Charlie asked, a smile playing around the corners of his mouth.  
  
Back in the kitchen of his house, Jack put his hands on his hips, almost dropping the phone.  
  
"Just exactly what are you implying, Major?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing. Hope you haven't worn her out."  
  
"Charlie," Jack snarled "We haven't..."  
  
"Oh, okay. Sure, Jack - I believe you - of course I believe you."  
  
"Bull - anyway, we've gone a little off-topic here. I wanted to invite you round - we're having a barbecue."  
  
"Sweet - what, now? At 10:30pm?"  
  
"Yeah," Jack said, "You got a problem with that, Charlie? I haven't eaten any decent food in weeks!"  
  
"No," Charlie laughed, "I'll be right there. I take it Sam will be there too?"  
  
Jack lowered his voice a little. "Of course - d'ya really think I'm doing the washing up?"  
  
Charlie snorted, and grinned. "Give me 10, Jack. See you then - bye."  
  
With a chuckle, he pulled on his coat and left his house, all thoughts of Elena banished from his mind.  
  
**********  
  
He arrived at Jack's house at about 11pm. He could already see some of his neighbours looking out of their windows and shaking their heads.  
  
"Come in," Jack said, shutting the door behind him.  
  
"Hi Sam!" Charlie called.  
  
"Hey!" she replied, flashing him one of her brilliant smiles.  
  
"So...what do you think of this midnight barbecue fiasco?" Charlie grinned, as Jack smarted.  
  
"It's fine with me - we're nocturnal creatures, anyway - aren't we?" She directed the question at Charlie, but it was Jack who replied.  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
Charlie snorted and feigned disgust. Sam blushed, and smacked Jack on the arm with a dishcloth.  
  
"Go away!" she said.  
  
"Sorry," she added, looking at Charlie with embarrassment, "Would you like a beer?"  
  
"Yeah," he said, his mind suddenly flashing back to his confrontation with Elena in the bar.  
  
**********  
  
"Then, his body became inhabited by a Goa'uld symbiote. He injured one of his friends, but without meaning to. He could see everything that was going on, but was powerless to stop it. I had to help him - he was losing his mind."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I spoke to him - I sat up with him during the long nights where the symbiote would not allow him sleep or rest. I tried to comfort him."  
  
"Leila - there are hundreds of Tau'ri inhabited by Goa'ulds each day - why did you feel that you had to help this one?"  
  
"I...I cannot explain. I - I felt drawn to him."  
  
She bowed her head for a moment, trying to regain hold of her emotions.  
  
"He was in great distress. He was too young - I did not believe that it was his time!"  
  
**********  
  
After they'd eaten, Charlie, Jack and Sam sat down on the couch with their beers, talking.  
  
"...And then I said...Lieutenant, get your ass back here now!"  
  
Sam frowned. "Charlie? Are you alright? You haven't said much - you look kinda down."  
  
"What's wrong?" Jack asked.  
  
Charlie sighed and looked up at his two friends. Damn them for caring so much.  
  
"I...well...you know my brother's wife - Elena?"  
  
"The super-bitch? Yeah."  
  
"Well...I was in a bar earlier this evening and I saw her there..."  
  
"Oh, bad luck mate!" Jack said, taking another gulp of beer.  
  
"She was with another man. They were...they were getting as intimate as it is possible to get in a bar."  
  
"Oh my God!" said Sam, her hand flying to her mouth. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Swear on my life," Charlie said, "I got up and left - but when I turned back, she just looked right at me and smiled - like she was daring me to say something."  
  
Jack blew out a long breath. "You gonna tell Nathan?"  
  
"How can I not?" Charlie asked, gulping more of his beer. "I doubt he'll even believe me."  
  
"Well, believe you or not, he'll find out the truth before long," Sam said, "These things have a way of being found out."  
  
"We're right behind ya, buddy," Jack said, clapping an arm on his shoulder, "All the way."  
  
"Thanks," Charlie said, "What would I do without you?"  
  
"Go slowly insane and kill your family?" Sam asked, with a small smile.  
  
"I think I'm doin' that anyway," Charlie grunted.  
  
"I think that everyone has trouble with their family," Sam said, "I mean, my God - I know I do."  
  
"Really?" Charlie asked, "How come?"  
  
"Well, ever since my mom died, my brother's hardly spoken to my dad and vice versa. If we have a family get-together, getting them to talk and be civil is like trying to part the Red Sea with a plastic spoon."  
  
"Jeez," Charlie said, "I never had any idea."  
  
"Yeah, well. I hardly see them anyway. Mark hardly speaks to me - dad only speaks to me to ask about work, or Mark, or Mark's kids."  
  
"Sounds like my mom," Jack said. "Every time she rings, its: When are you going to settle down and have babies? When are you going to quit that disgusting job? I have lots of friends whose daughters would love to meet you..."  
  
Charlie barked a laugh. "Blind date a la Mrs O'Neill? Oh, God, Jack -stop!"  
  
"You think it's funny? Ya know, I actually met one of these 'daughters' once. Her name was Carol or something like that - she was a lawyer! Made me feel like a total retard - I think her IQ was three times my weight or something obscene like that!"  
  
Sam laughed. "You've never mentioned any of this before."  
  
"Neither have you. Thought it'd make y'all laugh, though. I'm expecting a phonecall any day now."  
  
"Be sure to fill us in," Charlie said.  
  
"What? So you can mock me?" Jack asked.  
  
"Hell, yah!" Charlie replied, putting his bottle down on the floor and laughing again.  
  
**********  
  
"When he was freed of the symbiote, he asked me if I'd had anything to do with it. Hell, he practically accused me of putting it in him."  
  
"Why do you think he did this?"  
  
"He was angry - he lashed out. All the time he was begging me to help him - I just told him that I couldn't, I could only talk to him."  
  
"Then why did you break this later on?"  
  
"Two of his best friends were injured in combat with Apophis. Badly. They were near death - and he couldn't do anything to help them. He put on a brave face, but underneath he was terrified that he'd never see them again."  
  
"Maybe it was meant to be."  
  
"His friends - the man and the woman - they were in love. They'd only just confessed it, and then they were going to die. So soon, so young. It wasn't fair! Charlie kept telling me that I had the power to help them, I knew it - and I wasn't doing anything to help them. He was right!"  
  
"So...you just decided to heal them?"  
  
"I didn't heal them. They were still mortally wounded."  
  
"But they didn't die, did they, Leila? What exactly did you do to them?"  
  
**********  
  
"I've gotta go," Charlie said, "But thanks for this evening - it put me in a much better mood."  
  
"No problem - you call either of us if you need anything."  
  
"Will do - thanks, guys."  
  
"No problem!"  
  
**********  
  
Yes, I will tell Nate. I have to. He deserves to know. Part of me can't blame Elena - I mean, if I'd married a man who only talked about himself and how wonderful he was, I'd probably cheat on him too - or divorce him. But the other half is still hurting. Nate is my brother, after all, and he doesn't deserve to be treated this way.   
  
We all have our shortcomings - Nathan's is his self-obsession. I'm sure there's a woman out there who'll take care of him - but it sure as hell isn't Elena.  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
The next morning, Charlie got up and looked out of the window to see rain.   
  
Black, driving lines thrashed at the glass, draping the landscape in darkness.   
  
What a perfect day to tell his brother that his wife was cheating on him.  
  
He got up and went into the bathroom, brushing his teeth and having a shave. He remembered the previous night with Jack and Sam, and smiled. A vision of Jack on 'blind date' was still fresh in his mind.  
  
His mind wandered to Leila suddenly. He'd not seen her since that dreadful night on Apophis' homeworld, when he felt certain that Jack and Sam were going to die, right there in front of him.  
  
They'd argued - he'd been terribly bitter. He'd not seen her since. With a sigh, he looked at himself in the mirror.  
  
"I'm sorry, Leila."  
  
**********  
  
Leila awoke to find herself in a small, white room. She knew she was being kept here whilst the others decided her punishment. Why they couldn't do it in front of her, she didn't know. It was annoying knowing that her fate was being discussed and she had no input.  
  
With a distressed sigh, she sat up. She had no way of contacting Charlie inside this box. Her heart lurched at the thought of him, and she touched a hand to it.  
  
Charlie.  
  
My lord - she was actually falling in love. Something she'd never deemed possible.  
  
**********  
  
Charlie's car pulled up outside Nathan's house around midday. He got slowly out of the battered vehicle and walked at an even slower pace to the front door.  
  
He knocked twice, and felt a lump in his throat as Elena answered the door.  
  
"Yes?" she asked, a wry smile playing at the corners of her mouth.  
  
Charlie narrowed his eyes at her.   
  
"I'm here to see my brother. Would you grant me entrance to your castle, Madame?" he asked, giving her a mocking bow.  
  
She put her hands on her hips, and tossed her luxurious hair. She lowered her voice and smirked.  
  
"You can try telling him, sweetheart - but who do you think he's going to believe? Me, his beautiful wife - or you, his tramp of a brother?"  
  
Charlie gritted his teeth as he shoved past her, bending down to whisper in her ear:  
  
"There's only one tramp around here - and it sure as hell ain't me."  
  
She smiled irritatingly, and closed the door.  
  
"Why don't you just try?" she asked.  
  
"Do you realise how heartbroken he'll be?" Charlie asked in a fierce whisper.  
  
"I promise you, Charles," she drawled, "There's only one thing that'll be broken by the end of this meeting - and I reckon it'll be your nose."  
  
**********  
  
Well, she was right. Only one thing was broken - and yup, it was my nose.   
  
After I staggered out of the house, blood running down my face, I tried to call Jack, only to find that he wasn't in. So I called Sam - thankfully she was.  
  
Driving with a broken nose is actually a lot harder than it sounds.  
  
C.K.  
  
**********  
  
"Oh my God!" Sam said, as she took in the bloody and bruised man standing on her doorstep. "Charlie!"  
  
He smiled apologetically as she ushered him inside.  
  
"Sit down," she ordered, gently removing his coat. "Now. Tell me what happened," she said, whilst digging in her first aid kit.  
  
**********  
  
So I did.  
  
**********  
  
Charlie entered the living room and saw his brother sitting down, reading a newspaper.  
  
"Charlie, mate!" he shouted happily, flinging his arms around his brother in a strangle-tight hold.  
  
"Hi Nate," he replied, trying to distance himself.  
  
"What can I do for you?" he asked, "Oh wow, this was totally unexpected! Elena's upstairs making herself look pretty- we're going out for a posh lunch."  
  
Charlie thought that it would take a lot of effort to make Elena look pretty, but said nothing.  
  
"How've you been?" Nate asked, "Found any hot chicks yet?"  
  
"Not yet," Charlie smiled, though his brother was already beginning to wear down his patience.  
  
"Ah well - there's life left in you yet, Charlie!"  
  
He then proceeded to talk about himself, about the hospital and his patients.   
  
Charlie helped himself to a seat, his hands twisting nervously.  
  
"...so I told them that cardiovascular surgery was really the only option, and..."  
  
"Nate, I really need to talk to you," Charlie said.  
  
"Sure!" Nathan beamed, "About what?"  
  
"Elena." Charlie ground the name out between his teeth.  
  
"What about her?" Nathan asked, "How she's beautiful, charming, funny, intelligent..."  
  
"Nathan, I...this isn't easy for me to say," Charlie began.  
  
"What?" Nathan asked, clueless, "Do you fancy her or something?"  
  
"No!" Charlie replied. "Listen, mate - I think. No, I know - she's been cheating on you."  
  
Nathan was completely silent for a moment - a new record where he was concerned.   
  
Then, he threw back his head and laughed, very loudly.  
  
"Oh, Charlie, mate! You should have a medal!" he laughed, "Oh..."  
  
"I'm being serious!" Charlie said, his anger rising, "Dammit, Nathan, listen to me!"  
  
Nathan became serious again, and folded his arms. "I don't believe you."  
  
"I was in the pub yesterday night. I saw her there, with another man. He was tall, he had ginger hair and a nose ring, and green eyes."  
  
"She wouldn't cheat on me," Nathan said firmly.  
  
"I saw her myself!" Charlie shouted, finally losing temper with his brother.  
  
"I think you're lying! You're just jealous because I have a life - and you don't."  
  
This time, it was Charlie's turn to laugh.  
  
"Jealous? Jealous? I have a life, Nathan - why would I want yours?"  
  
"Because mother loves me and Elena - she doesn't love you!" Nathan spat acidly.  
  
"Elena," he said, "Is nothing but a tramp!"  
  
He felt Nathan's fist connect with his nose almost immediately after he'd said the last word.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY WIFE LIKE THAT?" Nathan asked, smashing his fist into Charlie's face again.  
  
"It'sh trueh, dahm you, Nathan!" Charlie said, as blood began to pour from his nose.  
  
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Nathan yelled, aiming another punch at his brother.  
  
**********  
  
Sam picked up a cloth, wet it, and gently sponged it across the cut on his eyebrow.  
  
"He sure whacked ya a bit," she said, tipping his head back a little further to stop his nose from bleeding.  
  
"I think I notished," Charlie said, trying not to laugh at how nasal he sounded.  
  
Sam sighed, and cleaned the blood off of his chin.  
  
"At least you told him, Charlie. That's all you can do for the moment."  
  
"Yeah, wisthout him breaking by dose agaihn."  
  
"Lie back a bit more," Sam ordered, "It'll slow the blood flow down."  
  
"Thatsh gonna leave a schar, righst?" He asked.  
  
"Not as big as mine," she said proudly, lifting her shirt a little to reveal the scar on her side from the staff blast.  
  
"Houcsh," Charlie sympathised.  
  
"I'll call Jack," she said.  
  
"Ahh, sho we'hre on firssht nahme termsh, are we?" he grinned, then promptly   
  
stopped because it hurt.  
  
"Don't make me hurt you, Charlie," she said, in a softly menacing whisper.  
  
"Yesh, ma'am."  
  
**********  
  
"Leila, you may sit down," Oma said, as she entered the small room.  
  
"Have you decided what to do with me?" Leila asked.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you before the others," Oma said, "You have angered them more so than I."  
  
"Oma - when I was healing them - why did you not stop me? You have stopped me before."  
  
Oma smiled. "Let that be my knowledge, and mine alone. All you need to understand is that I did not stop you."  
  
"I am sorry if I have troubled your relationship with the others," Leila said, "I meant no harm."  
  
"Of course you did not, Leila. I understand that. What I want you to consider is if you have chosen the right path."  
  
"I was wondering about that myself," she admitted.  
  
"Leila, if you so wish, it would be possible for you to descend."  
  
"But I would have no memories - no way of finding home, or anyone I knew."  
  
Oma smiled. "Wisdom comes in many shapes and sizes, Leila. You may not always expect them, but they will be there."  
  
"What does that mean?" She asked.  
  
Oma laid a hand on her shoulder. "In time, you will come to understand what I mean."  
  
**********  
  
"Well, well, well. If Charlie hasn't got his bell rung!" Jack smirked, walking into Sam's kitchen.  
  
"Shut uhp!"  
  
"Stop goading him, Jack!" Sam said, giving him a punch on the arm, "It's not fair when he can't retaliate."  
  
"Sorry, mate. I take it Nathan didn't want to know."  
  
Charlie shook his head sadly.  
  
"He'll figure it out one day," Sam said, "And he'll come crawlin' back."  
  
"She's such ah bitsch," Charlie said.  
  
"A what?" Jack asked mockingly.  
  
Sam swiped at him with a dishcloth. "Stop it!" she warned.  
  
"Lishten to the lahdy," Charlie said. "She knowsh whats she's talking about, sthis one."  
  
"Come and sit on the couch," Jack offered, "I'll get you some beer...and a straw!"  
  
He chuckled, and Sam whacked him with the cloth again, on his butt.  
  
"She wants me," Jack grinned over his shoulder.  
  
"Thatsh becaushe you're a shexy bitch!" Charlie shouted back, trying not to laugh again.  
  
Sam giggled, and helped Charlie over to her couch.  
  
"Ya still got us," she said, sitting beside him.  
  
"Yah. Pretty raw deal, huh?" he said, with an impish grin. Sam returned it.  
  
Jack returned with the beer, and a jumbo-size pink straw for Charlie.  
  
"You wahna be careful I don't sshove that up somewhere," Charlie drawled.  
  
**********  
  
"Oma, I want to descend."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. I've thought about it for a long time - this is what I want."  
  
**********  
  
'Show me, O Lord, my life's end  
  
and the number of my days;  
  
let me know how fleeting is my life.  
  
You have made my days a mere handbreadth  
  
The span of my years is nothing before you  
  
Each man's life is but a breath.'  
  
Psalm 39:4-6  
  
**********  
  
To be continued in 'Each Man's Life Part 5: Mind's Eye' 


End file.
